From Darkness Won Part 54

Averella clutched Jax's s.h.i.+rt.

He glanced down on her. "Can you stand, Vrell?"

She looked up into his eyes and nodded. He set her on her feet, but kept a hand on her shoulder. He was so much taller, she felt like a babe with her father as she walked beside him.

They saw no sign of another wolf on the rest of their journey. The lights of Noiz became visible long before soldiers stopped them at the gate on the outskirts of the city. Sir Eagan declared himself, and the soldiers escorted their party through the army's tents, past a small village, and up a steep trail.

Averella had never visited Noiz, but now she remembered having heard stories of the kings who had spent time amongst the clouds. There were no clouds tonight. The stronghold glimmered on the mountain above. She wished she could see the land, for it was said that the view from Paniyn Gal was a breathtaking sight.

Perhaps another day. Once Darkness was gone forever.

This thought brought Achan's face to mind. He would surely visit the king's refuge more than once during his life. How handsome he had looked the day she found him wounded in the forest and tended his arrow wounds.

How like a Hadar he had appeared when Sir Caleb had dressed him for the Council meeting.

And how like a king in those clothes Sir Eli had provided in Mirrorstone. She recalled her anger when Jaira had kissed him. Such a manipulative creature, Jaira Hamartano, trying to steal the throne for herself with magic.

Averella suddenly recalled other women who had been taken in by Achan Cham's waggish smile.

A pretty red-haired girl in Melas.

Young Yumikak, who had danced with him all evening when their party had visited Berland. The girl had also snuck into his bedchamber to sing him to sleep that night.

Cousin Tara. The way Achan had walked with Tara on his arm. His glowing praise of Tara's character and wit. The way his eyes had gleamed when he spoke of his plans to propose marriage.

And then there was that barmaid in Tsaftown. But Averella did not want to think about her.

She recalled Achan's wide grin the day he had said, "Oh, I see. All this time, all the strange things you've said on my behalf. Jaira, Ressa, Yumikak, Lady Tara, Beska. You were jealous."

Averella had denied it, of course, for his words had been c.o.c.ksure and provoking. But he had been right.

She had been jealous indeed.

Averella's legs were sore by the time they reached the entrance to Paniyn Gal.

A guard stopped them before they could enter into the great hall of the fortress. "Sir Eagan is expected. The rest of you must wait until I have instructions."

Sir Eagan squeezed Averella's hand. "Only a moment now." His endearing gaze made her smile. He pa.s.sed through the doorway and started up a grand staircase without calming her emotions.

She peeked in the open doorway and up a grand staircase. From where she stood, she could barely see the tops of tables and the heads and shoulders of dozens of men and women who were eating in a great hall of sorts.

A familiar laugh pulled her gaze to the far left. And there, at the center of the head table, stood Achan Cham.

The sight of him sent a tremor down her spine. He was handsome as ever, wearing a fine ensemble of blue and gold. He walked to the top of the stairs and greeted Sir Eagan in a warm embrace.

Suddenly everything clicked. As if she had forgotten nothing, Averella remembered it all.

He had tried to kiss her under the waterfall. She had been afraid and swum away. But he had found her the next day in his chambers, begged her not to go, told her he loved her. She had brushed it aside. Too set on her agenda. Pining away for the shelter of home. Wanting to hide from her heart and the vulnerability the truth would bring to her life. Because she was embarra.s.sed that she had lied to him.

The soldier at the doorway stepped aside. "You may all enter now. To the top of the stairs please."

Averella took a deep breath. Father was right. Only the truth would set her free now. And she longed for freedom from the bondage of her own lies.

Achan would be surprised to see her. Would he make a scene? The idea made her wince. She removed her helm from her pack. Better not to give him time to think it over as he watched her climb that steep staircase. She pulled her helm over her head and started up the marble steps, hiding behind her mask for the last time.

33.

Achan stood at the top of the staircase. A half dozen people spilled into the foyer below. A woman led them up the center stairs. She wore a green dress with a bronze breastplate over it. A matching bronze helm covered her face. How bizarre.

"It's Iamos!" a soldier yelled from one of the tables.

Achan turned toward his men. Most had stood to stare down the steps as the newcomers approached.

"Aye, I saw her and Marpay healing men in Mahanaim," another soldier said from the end of the opposite table.

"They healed a hundred men," a man near Achan said.

"She healed me!"

"She scaled the sorcerer's tower and killed him."

Suddenly everyone was standing, beginning to move toward the newcomers.

Achan frowned. "Enough! Sir Eagan killed the Hadad. And there is no Iamos or Marpay. Any G.o.d but Arman is false." He turned his gaze to the woman, who was now halfway up the stairs. "Though you are a guest here and I owe you civility, if you claim to be Iamos, I say you're a liar."

The woman stopped. Her gaze, visible only through the slot in the helm, locked with his. "I am a liar, Your Highness, but I promise you, I never claimed to be Iamos."

The woman's raspy voice, m.u.f.fled through the air holes in her helm, pulled Achan's eyebrows low over his eyes. "Then who are you, and what do you want?"

She removed her helm, revealing a tangle of black hair.

"Sparrow?" Achan's heart leapt. "Sparrow!" He started down the stairs.

She tucked the helm under one arm. "Not quite, Your Highness. I am not Sparrow or Vrell, as you have known me."

Achan stopped so suddenly he almost fell down the stairs. "Sparrow, what game is this? I've spent more time with you than anyone. I have imagined your face every day we have not been together. I have made no mistake. You are Vrell Sparrow."

"No, Your Highness, that is the lie I told you and everyone else." She stood tall and seemed to be collecting herself. "I am..." She breathed heavily and started again. "My lord, I am Lady Averella Amal, formerly of Carmine. Currently without home." She went down on both knees in the middle of the stairs and bowed her head low. "I pledge service to the true crown of Er'Rets." Her next words were so m.u.f.fled, he could hardly understand them. "If you will have it."

A chill gripped every inch of Achan's body. It was as if he was back at Ice Island, standing before the men in the Prodotez. The hall quieted. Achan could only stare at the top of Sparrow's head. But not Sparrow. Never really Sparrow. Always Lady Averella Amal. He seemed to be melting into a pool of lava.

All this time? All along, Sparrow-and Scratch, and Vrell-all along she was really Lady Averella? He descended two more steps. "Sparrow, you-"

Wait. Wait! If Lady Averella were really Sparrow, then he was betrothed to her! He could marry Vrell! The girl who possessed his heart could truly be his wife.

No. He was no longer betrothed to her. She'd refused him. It seemed like all his old wounds hurt him at once, especially all his head wounds. It felt like he was the one who had lost his memory. He'd been betrothed to her, but now he wasn't. She'd renounced her birthright. Wasn't that it? Because Sir Eagan was her father she didn't have the right or the heritage to be heir of Carm.

He descended another step.

Her true rank shouldn't matter. It didn't matter to him!

But the men had to have known! He turned back and looked up the stairs to where Sir Eagan stood beside Sir Caleb's place at the head table. "She is your daughter?"

Sir Eagan bowed his head. "She is."

Flames coiled within Achan's chest. He looked back and forth from Sir Eagan to Sparrow. Why hadn't he seen it? It made perfect sense. "And you knew all along?"

"From the night you freed me from Ice Island, Your Highness. Her face could not fool me."

Achan walked up three steps. He felt furious and elated and betrayed and relieved at the same time. He didn't know how to respond. At the moment, anger won out. "I see she gets her deceit from you." Then another wave of implications rose to mind. "Surely the d.u.c.h.ess also knew?"

"It was not our secret to tell, Your Highness."

Achan barely heard him. He remembered the d.u.c.h.ess in his room, in his mind, in the Veil, in her sitting room-training, teaching, encouraging-but never telling the truth. No wonder the d.u.c.h.ess had never introduced him to her daughter. "I feel I have been betrayed by you all!"

Achan pinched the bridge of his nose. His own advisors had lied to him. Sparrow had lied! Blazes! He had never felt like a bigger halfwit in all his days. He twisted to look back on Sparrow. Her eyes watched him, wide and waiting. She was so beautiful. The object of his yearnings. Yet a duplicitous liar! And she had the nerve to make him feel bad for being tempted by other women. For all his weaknesses, he had always been honest.

He realized with a start that everyone in the great hall was staring at him. The intensity of every set of eyes and the deceit of his own advisors filled him with heat. He tried to contain his anger, but his limbs turned to fire. He ascended the stairs to get a good view of Sir Caleb. "What about you, Sir Caleb? Did you know this secret, as well?"

"I did not, Your Highness." Then Sir Caleb's stony expression broke into an incredulous smile. "But it does explain a few things."

Achan scanned the tables. Where was Sir Gavin? Right. He had gone down to talk with the Marad general. Achan paced toward Sir Eagan. "Does Sir Gavin know?"

"Aye."

"Yet I suppose it was not his secret to tell either, was it?"

"Nay, it was not."

Achan walked back to the top of the stairs and looked down on Sparrow, who remained kneeling. Beyond her, scattered on the steps below, stood Sir Jax, Sir Rigil, a handful of Bodwin's guards, Gren... His heart softened to see Gren's teary face. Noam! He smiled at his old friend, who smiled in return. Bran Rennan, who looked completely exhausted.

Achan asked softly, "Did you know of this, Master Rennan?"

Bran's voice was almost a whisper. "I did."

Achan struggled to comprehend the meaning. His brain hurt, but he forced himself to look back over his entire past year, seeing it all in a new light. Lady Averella had disguised herself as the boy stray Vrell Sparrow in order to avoid marriage to Esek-so she could return home and marry her true love: Bran.

"Bran... I-I never knew! I-" Achan swayed on the steps and grasped the bannister to keep from toppling over.

Eben's breath! After all his prideful tirades against Bran for his mistreatment of Gren, and all along it had been Achan who had betrayed Bran. Fire burned within his chest. He sucked short breaths through his nostrils, hoping he did not lose control and fall into a rage. Or tears like a child. This was not his fault! He had not known who she was. She had kept it from him.

He closed his eyes. Arman, give me wisdom.

But he did not pause long enough to listen for any divine reply. He looked down on Sparrow again. It all came back to her. Despite his desire to hate her, a joy arose in him at seeing her again. Yet she had made him feel a remorse that she deserved more than anyone. He managed two words.

"Explain yourself."

They sounded cold and cruel and Esek-like, but he didn't care. He knew he was not the villain here. He wanted only to hear her speak.

Sparrow-his mind would not yet let him think of her by any other name-sat back on her heels. Her eyes, wide and green like d.u.c.h.ess Amal's, stared into his. "I went into hiding when Esek demanded to marry me. Macoun Hadar sensed my skill and sent the Kingsguard knights to fetch me. Jax and Khai. I was afraid to reveal my ident.i.ty, so I kept up my charade, hoping Mother would know someone in Mahanaim who might a.s.sist me. Then you entered the story. And you know the rest. I was swept along with you on an adventure into Darkness."

Sparrow's emotional tone chipped at his anger, bored holes through it, piercing his heart from all sides. He wanted to run and take her into his arms and marry her on the spot. Where was Toros Ianjo? And yet, his heart was tentative, as if she might really be a black knight's illusion that would turn into a flock of gowzals any second and tear him to pieces. He steeled himself against her charms. "Why didn't you give me your true name? At least in Mitspah?"

Sparrow's eyes filled with tears. "Achan, please. Could we speak of this in private?"

He sucked in a sharp breath. "Answer my question."

She blinked, and a stream of tears ran down one cheek.

He towered over her like a marble statue, cold, hard, and paralyzed by his mixed emotions. He couldn't decide whether to comfort her or throw her in prison.

She sniffled. "I wanted to confess a hundred times, but I was afraid."

Her voice was a raspy whisper, yet Achan had no doubt that every ear could hear in the great hall. He felt a twinge of regret for forcing her to speak of such matters in public. He should have relocated to one of the council rooms. It was the proper, merciful thing to do. But he wasn't feeling very merciful at the moment. He folded his arms. "You were so afraid of me and my cruel intentions."

"No! Not really. I never truly believed you capable of such betrayal. But I- I was afraid that I loved you. Or afraid I only thought I did. Afraid I really loved Bran and was being unfaithful. Afraid that Bran no longer loved me. Afraid of being queen. Afraid that you would leave me or find a mistress or a whole harem."

She waved one hand in an arc as if accusing everyone present of being part of Achan's harem. "That was what frightened me most, Achan Cham-that I would hold your interest briefly but never your heart. That another more comely than me would traipse by, and you would be gone after her, as all of your forefathers have done. I couldn't bear to be only 'the wife' when a never-ending parade of women held your heart. That was why I never told you."

Sir Caleb. The knock came quickly, but Achan ignored it. He might never get Sparrow to speak so freely again. He would not stop her, no matter what she accused him of.

She squeezed her hands together as if wringing juice from an orange. "My father had told me of King Axel's reputation with women. And then you confirmed it." Her teary gaze met his. "You said I could be your m-mistress. I just-"

"That was just a stray thought, Sparrow! Can't a man's thoughts be private? I was desperate to have you in my arms but thought I had to marry someone else for politics, for the good of the kingdom. I only wanted to find a way to have you."

"But you thought it! It was my greatest fear, and you confirmed it." She gasped in a breath. "I did not believe it safe to give you my heart. I did not think you loved Arman. I am not beautiful enough or strong enough to be a queen. Bran left me. My father left me. Sir Rigil never cared for me in such a way. I just knew your head would turn from me as easily as theirs had. I could not stand to marry you and be cast aside."

Achan couldn't help but glance at Bran and Sir Rigil. Had Sparrow once cared for Sir Rigil too? Both men's eyes were downcast, expressions stoic. He looked back to Sparrow. "So you cast yourself aside in advance? To save yourself some hurt, you hurt yourself? What kind of way is that to live?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "A safe way?"

He released a gusty laugh. "Is this what you call safe? It's not a safe way, Sparrow, it's a pathetic and lonely way. Sparrow, sometimes life is scary. Get over it, and live." With me! he wanted to add.

She sniffled and tipped her nose, so small and red, in the air. "I am trying to, Your Highness. That is why I have come."

He scratched a hand through his own hair. "Well... good, then." He became aware again of how silent the room was and just how many people were watching them. Heat crept up into his face.

"Your Highness?" Sir Caleb said.

Achan wheeled around, nearly falling off his step. "Yes?"

"Why don't we move to the solar for Sir Eagan's report? We could have some food brought up. Those not attending the meeting are welcome to eat here."