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could deal with that, she thought sadly, as long as he continued tohold her, as long as he let her love him."And then I married you," he said softly, and his voice changed."Ihadn't planned to. I'd planned to ask one of Lae- t.i.t ia girls. ""Why did you change your mind?" whispered Tallie, wondering if he'd tell her the truth, as she'd overheard him tell Laet.i.tia that night in the library.
"I think it was the puppy."
Tallie pulled away to stare at him.
"The puppyT She felt vaguely offended.
He drew her back into his arms and tucked her head under his chin.
"I.
saw a small boy whose puppy had got them both into trouble. The puppy was to be destroyed as a punishment for the child's disobedience. "
Tallie sighed, remembering.
"I knew exactly what it was like to be that little boy. My father
destroyed a number of my own pets for the same reason--in our family it is called " making a man of the boy"," he added bitterly.
"I watched that boy, knowing grief was inevitable."
He hugged her tighter and rubbed his jaw against her hair.
"And then out from nowhere sprang a young lioness to defend the cub, a
lioness who risked her own insecure position in the household to save a boy-cub who was not even her own." He planted a kiss on her ear.
"She even saved the puppy..."
Tallie lay against his chest, her eyes wet once again at the thought of the boy Magnus and how little he had known of love and joy.
"I wanted that young lioness for my own children," he said at last.
"I.
knew it was too late for me, but my children would grow up knowing what
it was like to be. to be. " His voice shattered into dry splinters."To be loved, Magnus. Loved."He nodded, overcome."And they will be, I promise you," Tallie whispered, placing both their hands on her belly."This one already is." She cupped his face with her hands."And so are you, Magnus. It isn't too late for you at all. I love you."
She gazed into his tormented eyes and said softly, "I love you so much,
you have no idea. You are everything I've ever dreamed of, you. know She smoothed his hair and said again, " I love you, Magnus. Even when I was so hurt when you left, and so angry with you, I still loved you. I think I will always love you. It doesn't matter if you don't love me back; I've enough love for both of us. "
"But--' " Hush, it doesn't matter," she said, and kissed him.
He kissed her back, ravenously, but after a mo menthe drew back with a groan.
"But it does matter--' " No-' "Let me finish," he said, kissing her again, a brief, hard kiss.
"I...
I never expected marriage to be like this. I thought. thought I could just pick a suitable woman and continue my life, almost unchanged. It was the children I was thinking of. "
"An heir." She nodded."No, not an heir. Children. If we only had one little girl, I would be happy. If we had a string of little girls I would be just ashappy.""Do ... do you not want a boy, then?" she asked worriedly."A boy would make me very happy, too," he a.s.sured her."A boy, not an heir. I want a child. The s.e.x is immaterial."She smiled, not entirely sure she understood, but rea.s.sured just the same.
"My father had me thrashed every morning from the age of five," he said bluntly.
"It was the time-honoured way to ensure the heirs of d'Arenville became
strong enough for the position. " But that is appalling," she
gasped.
"In that case I am glad you were sent away to school so young. Such a thing is utterly barbarous."
He smiled, a smile of cold reminiscence that made Tallie shudder.
"Oh, he had me thrashed at school, too. Every morning at eight o'clocksharp, except for Sundays. Until my eighteenth birthday.""Oh, Magnus, that is..." Words failed her. She could only hug him tight and press kisses on whatever part of him she could find.
"You understand now why I do not want a d'Arenville heir?"
Tallie hugged him tighter and kissed his ear.
"I love you, Magnus, I love you," was all she could think of to say.
He rolled her back on the bed and kissed her, covering her face, her neck, her breast with his kisses. He cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s gently.
"They are bigger," he murmured, lavis.h.i.+ng kisses on them. He ran a hand down to caress her swollen belly.
"I want to see you--all of you."
Tallie blushed.
"But I look--' " You look beautiful, and I want to see you," herepeated, and reached for the hem of her nightgown. Slowly he drew itup, over the long slender legs, up to the thatch of tawny curls attheir junction and up over the smooth, tight mound of her belly. Helifted it over the creamy swelling b.r.e.a.s.t.s and over the tumbledhoney-streaked curls. He tossed the gown to the foot of the bed andknelt above her. And then he just stared, his eyes moving over her,absorbing every change, every nuance of her body.
Tallie's embarra.s.sment died away.
His storm-dark eyes caressed her, bathing her in a warm radiance. Shehad never felt so beautiful in her life. Obscure little TallieRobinson, plain and ordinary, swollen and ungainly with pregnancy,feeling so utterly beautiful when this man looked at her.
"I love you, Magnus," she said softly, reaching for him.
"I wish I had been here to see all these changes," he murmured, stroking her body, learning it anew.
"Thank you for bringing me my brother." She arched against his hand like a cat.
"I don't think I said it before. I don't understand why you wanted to, but it has made me very happy."
His hand stilled.
"I had to." His voice was husky and deep.
"Had to? But why?" She reached up and began to undo his s.h.i.+rt.
"To... to show you."
"Show me what?" Her hands finally undid his s.h.i.+rt and she reached forthe b.u.t.tons on his pantaloons. His hand stopped her."Don't you see?" He gripped her hands tightly."I couldn't say it--the words mean... meant nothing to me. I couldn't say it, so I had to... to show you.""Show me what?" she said softly."That I--' He stopped."d.a.m.n it, you know what I am trying to tell you."She shook her head gently."No, Magnus, I don't know.""That I... I... Oh, curse it, that I love you, of course!" he said gruffly.
Tallie scrambled up on the bed and knelt facing him.
"Oh, Magnus! Oh, Magnus!" And she flung herself into his arms.
After some time he said, "I know we cannot make love at this stage of
your confinement, but... do you think...? I want to touch you here."
His hand cupped the curly thatch at the base of her stomach.
Tallie blushed and shook her head happily.
"I'm sure it will be all right... if you want to."
His eyes darkened into the brooding sea-grey darkness she had never
thought to see again.
"I do want to." He lowered his head to the curls.
Tallie's jaw dropped.
"Magnus, what are you?" -She gasped. Then she gasped again. Then she gave a little wriggle, an ecstatic little wriggle.
"Ohhh... Magnus..."