Beaufort Brides: Hired Bride Part 18

And she did want him. She wanted all of him.

She just didn't want what he was willing to offer her.

That evening, after Deanna went to her suite for the night, Mitch.e.l.l went outside for a run. He usually worked out on the equipment he had in the house, but he felt like running tonight and the house was claustrophobic.

It was almost midnight when he set off, and he ran in the dark, forcing himself to keep going even after the fatigue set in and sweat was dripping down into his eyes.

He wondered, if he could keep running, whether eventually his heart would stop hurting so much. Maybe if his body hurt deeply enough, he wouldn't feel the far deeper pain.

Deanna didn't want him. All of what he'd been sensing in her-the attraction, the need, the hunger, the comfort-was mostly physical, and she didn't want him in any other way.

Even when he made a point of not putting any pressure on her-making sure she knew he didn't want any more than the moment-she still didn't want him enough.

It made sense. He'd always stood for everything she wasn't, and all of what she held most dear he'd spent his life brus.h.i.+ng away.

There was no reason she would want to spend her life with someone like him. He'd never proven to her-to anyone-that he could commit to a relations.h.i.+p so permanently.

She'd been utterly serious when she spoke to him at the restaurant. She wasn't going to change her mind.

He'd taken his phone, and when he heard it vibrate with a new text, he slowed down and pulled it out to check, vaguely hoping it was Deanna.

It wasn't. It was Brie.

Do you and Deanna want to come over for dinner tomorrow?

Even the casual question hurt Mitch.e.l.l, since it seemed to represent everything he couldn't have. Wiping the sweat off his hands and face with his s.h.i.+rt, he texted back. I can come. Not sure about Deanna.

He thought the reply sounded light and impersonal enough, but evidently Brie sensed something was wrong.

His phone rang, and when he picked up, Brie demanded, "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's wrong between you and Deanna?"

He was still walking, still breathing fast and shallow. "Nothing. It was just a normal reply."

"No, it wasn't. Has something happened? I thought you were going to convince her to stay married to you."

He let out a sigh that was too long and too loud. "She doesn't want to be convinced."

Brie paused for a moment. "I don't think that's right. I saw her with you at the hospital yesterday night. I think she's into you too."

"Not in that way. She doesn't want me."

For some reason, the words sounded final, tragic, heartbreaking. His throat hurt so much he couldn't breathe.

"s.h.i.+t, I'm sorry. Did you...did you ask her?"

"In a way. She made it clear."

"Well you can't just ask her in a way. Ask her for real. Maybe she doesn't know you're serious. She's the kind of girl who's only going to let herself fall in love with a man when there's a real future. She's not a temporary or casual kind of girl. You know that. And you're like the epitome of the temporary, casual guy. Maybe she doesn't know you've changed, that you want something different."

He felt a ridiculous spark of hope. Maybe that was true. Maybe she really didn't know-even though he thought his feelings should have been obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes. "She's all about playing it safe and making good decisions," he said slowly.

"See? I bet that's all it is. She thinks you're not safe because you've always before just done whatever was easy. You need to prove to her that you can be in it for the long haul. That you can do the hard thing when you want it badly enough."

He did want Deanna that much. He wanted her so badly he couldn't take a full breath.

"Okay," he said, almost swallowing over the one word. "Okay."

His heart was soaring now, the way it had been sinking earlier. It made sense. It was exactly right for who Deanna was and who he'd always been himself.

"Go talk to her," Brie said, sounding as excited as he felt. "Go talk to her right now."

"Okay."

"And call me back as soon as you can!"

After he hung up, he stared at the phone for a minute, and then he put it back in his pocket and started to run.

He was two miles from his house, but he sprinted all the way, finally arriving soaked with even more sweat and so breathless he could barely see.

He went immediately to her suite and pounded on the door.

After a moment, he pounded again and called out, "Deanna? Are you asleep?"

She swung the door open, staring at him in bewilderment. "Well, if I was asleep before, I sure wouldn't be now. What the h.e.l.l is going on? Are you okay?" Her eyes scanned his face and body with what looked like concern.

Her concern made his heart tighten with sentiment, but he was here now, so he burst out, "I wanted to talk. To you. About our marriage."

Her face changed. She dropped her head to look at the floor so quickly he couldn't read her expression. "Oh. Actually, I was thinking about that too."

"You were?" He was still gasping and breathless, and he could barely see through the sweat.

"Yeah. I was just lying in bed thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do. Things have gotten...I don't know...weird and complicated between us."

It was true. He stared at her, wondering blindly if she'd come to the same conclusion he had.

"And I think we should probably do something about. This weird limbo isn't good for either of us." She sucked in a shaky breath.

Mitch.e.l.l stood, motionless and speechless, his heart beating in his chest, his head, his ears.

"So," Deanna said, her voice breaking. "So...I was thinking. Once the restaurant deal goes through, maybe we should just end the marriage early. Before the six months are over, I mean."

Deanna wasn't sure what to expect from Mitch.e.l.l, after she'd burst out with the conclusion she'd come to after brooding and crying over the situation for too long.

She'd thought maybe he would go along with it, just to make things easier-or else maybe have some real objections, which she would have been willing to listen to and discuss.

She certainly wasn't expecting what happened.

"No."

She blinked in surprise at the blunt response. She couldn't read any expression on his face. He just looked blank.

Since he was clearly out of breath from running and was still gasping heavily, she paused, waiting for him to continue-maybe after he'd caught his breath and processed what she'd said.

But he just kept standing there, his gray eyes far darker than normal and his hair wet with perspiration. "No," he said again.

"No?" She rubbed her face, trying to make herself think clearly. This whole thing had become such a mess there probably wasn't any way out. "What do you mean, no?"

"I mean no. We're not going to end the marriage early. It hasn't been six months."

If he'd looked hurt or upset or even angry, she might have been hopeful that he was feeling something just a little similar to her. But he wasn't any of those things. He was almost hard-and he grew harder as the moments pa.s.sed.

"I know it hasn't," she said, trying to be reasonable. "And, if it really helps your business stuff to stay married for the last three months, then of course I'll do it. But all you wanted out of this marriage was the restaurant deal, and once it goes through I don't understand why you'd object."

"It doesn't matter whether you understand or not. You shouldn't be trying to renege on our deal."

"I'm not trying to renege." Her voice cracked because she was getting really upset now. She didn't understand why he was acting this way. "I'm not. I was just offering another possibility-one I thought would work well for both of us."

"Why would it work well for me?"

"Because you could move on with your life. Isn't that what you want?" Her voice trembled slightly on the last question. Everything was so strange and confused and not at all like it should be.

Mitch.e.l.l wasn't acting at all like he would normally act.

"My life if fine right now. I thought yours was too. If there's something about our marriage that isn't working for you, just tell me what it is, and we can make adjustments if necessary."

Her eyes widened at his impersonal tone. She couldn't believe this was the man she'd just made love to just the previous day. "I already told you. I don't think it's a good idea to get intimate like...like we were. I told you that from the beginning, but you keep..." She trailed off, since it was hardly his fault they'd had s.e.x the times they had. Both of them were responsible for what had happened.

"I won't come on to you again. Is there something else you're not happy with?"

"I don't understand. Are you saying you want to stay married to me? Are you...are you happy with the way things are?"

"I think I've made it clear that I am."

He had. In some ways, he'd been like a different person recently-at least a person she'd never seen in him before. "I think we need to be careful, though," she said. "You've been so sweet to me this week. I really appreciate how you've been there for me. But I don't think we can a.s.sume it means more than it does. It's just because you're a nice guy and I've been really needy. Despite how you act sometimes, you really have a good heart. It's not necessarily-"

He made a strange rough sound in his throat. "What the h.e.l.l are you talking about? You've got me totally wrong. I'm not a nice guy. I don't have a good heart. And not once in my life have I ever been sweet. None of that has any bearing on this conversation right now."

She hugged her arms to her chest, hating the sound of his clipped tone. He wasn't like this. Not really. Not at heart. She had no idea why he was acting like this now.

Unless she'd hurt his feelings somehow.

He'd told her that he got mean when he felt rejected.

She hated the thought of it, and scrambled to fix whatever she might have done. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you or act like I don't appreciate everything you've done. You know I really like you. I think you're great. And obviously-"

"You've already told me all this."

"But I don't want you to think I think there's anything wrong with you."

"You just don't want to be married to me any longer than you have to."

The way he said it sounded horrible-sounded like the worst kind of insult she could have given him-when that was the last thing in the world she would have wanted. "I'm so sorry," she said, feeling her eyes start to burn as the emotion became too powerful. "I didn't mean any of it to come across like this. I don't know what to say."

"I think you've already said it." His eyes were focused on her, but she wasn't sure they were even seeing her even more. "You like me. You think I'm great. But you're ready for this marriage to be over-because I'm not the person you really want."

"That's not-" she choked, since all of this was so incredibly wrong.

When she couldn't continue, he asked, "That's not what you meant?" For just a moment, he sounded almost human again.

She was trying so hard to be honest-as honest as she possibly could-but everything she said seemed to be wrong. "It's not that I don't want you-in a lot of ways. It's just that we're so different. We want and believe in entirely different things. We're looking for different things out of life. So you can't...you can't be the person...the person..."

"The person you really want."

She nodded, tears streaming from her eyes. Because it was true. It was absolutely true. And not admitting it wouldn't be fair to either one of them.

She wanted Mitch.e.l.l. She loved him. She wished she could spend her life with him. But he would never be a man who could give that to her.

He didn't believe in marriage. He didn't have any interest in starting a family. He brushed aside history and tradition and ceremony like they were meaningless trivialities.

Even if he might want to be with her now, they could never be happy together because they would always, forever want different things.

Mitch.e.l.l wanted what was easy, what felt good at any given moment.

And Deanna had always, only wanted what would truly last.

"Do you understand now?" she gasped, trying to control her tears. "Don't you think it's better to just end the marriage as soon as possible so we don't end up hurting each other even more? I really think that's the wisest thing."

"I don't care what you think is wise," Mitch.e.l.l said curtly. "Our contract says we stay married for a full six months, and I'm going to hold you to that."

She gasped again, this time in sharp pain, like someone had slashed her with a knife.

When her eyes cleared, she saw that his expression was hard, merciless.

Maybe he was hurt, maybe he felt rejected, but the man she really wanted would never use marriage vows like a weapon-any more than he'd spontaneously come up with the idea of marriage as an easy way of making a business deal.

He didn't see marriage the way she did, and he clearly never would.

There was no way she could speak through the grief and pain that was overwhelming her, so she just nodded-to show she understood what he said and wasn't going to object-and then took a step back and closed her bedroom door on his face.

Just over two months now. She could make it through.