Crazy Stupid Obsession Part 16

"And." I try to keep my emotions in check and keep an open mind. The task is proving much harder than I ever thought possible.

"He had orchestrated this whole special evening to celebrate our two month anniversary. He went through so much trouble to make it happen and was so excited to surprise me that I didn't have the heart to just end it right there on the spot."

"So you just pretended like everything was normal?" I hit her with a look of disbelief. "You had spent the entire weekend in my bed."

"I know. I know. I'm a horrible person." She takes a deep breath, her gaze darting between me and her hands which are knotted tightly in her lap. "It's one thing to break up with someone; it's another to do it when they have clearly gone through so much trouble to show you how important you are to them."

"Did something happen between the two of you?" I brace myself for an answer I'm not sure I want to know.

"We kissed," she admits, her voice barely breaking the surface.

"Are you f.u.c.king kidding me?" I roar, the last shred of the hold on my temper tearing away.

Just the thought of that a.s.shole touching her sends an entirely different kind of anger through me. A jealousy I have never experienced before. I don't just hate the way it makes me feel, I loathe it. Every single f.u.c.king little part of it.

"It was just a kiss, it meant nothing," she scrambles, clearly caught off guard by my reaction.

"Just a kiss?" I ponder her statement for a long moment, floored by how casual this seems to be to her. "Is this some kind of f.u.c.king game to you? See how far you can string us both along and which one is willing to let you do it the longest?"

"Of course not," she gasps.

"Are you sure? Because it sure as h.e.l.l seems that way to me. Just a kiss... You are a real piece of work you know that?" I shake my head, not sure how to reel my emotions in.

"Me?" Her voice rises in anger. "What about you? You're the one who pursued me, remember? You knew I had a boyfriend. I never tried to hide that from you. What the h.e.l.l gives you the right to treat me like some unfaithful wh.o.r.e? You are not the one I've been cheating on, Bryan is. Me kissing him was not a betrayal to you. Me being with you was the betrayal to him. So stop acting like I've committed some unforgivable act that you just can't get past. You asked for this," she screams, pointing her finger in my face. "You forced me to love you when all I wanted was to forget you ever existed."

I open my mouth but then close it again, the reality of her words. .h.i.tting me like a thousand pound brick. It settles on my chest and makes it feel d.a.m.n near impossible to suck in a full breath.

"You're angry with me, but really it should be me angry with you," she continues, a welling tear finally finding its way from the corner of her eye. It rolls down her cheek slowly, leaving a wet trail down her perfect skin.

It takes everything in me not to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but I know nothing will get resolved that way.

"Do you have any idea the position you've put me in?" She swipes at a second tear. "I was finally happy and then you had to push your way back into my life and f.u.c.k everything up." Her voice breaks in the middle.

"I didn't realize I was such an imposition on your perfect little f.u.c.king life," I bite, the overwhelming rush I felt moments earlier fizzing away in an instant.

"That's not what I meant." She immediately backpedals.

"I know what you meant, Harlee; you've been more than f.u.c.king clear," I bite.

"Don't do that." She reaches for my hand, her tears falling harder when I rip it out of her grasp. "Don't you dare pull away from me, Gavin Porter. You're not imposing on my life. You are my life. I just need you to understand this isn't so black and white. I had a life before you, a boyfriend, and he deserves the best I can do by him given what I've done. I refuse to cause him any unnecessary pain. I won't. I'm sorry if you can't understand that."

"Oh, I understand it just fine. The problem is that you seem to care more about hurting him than hurting me."

"I haven't done anything to you." She tries to control the tremble in her voice.

"You're f.u.c.king blind if you believe that's true. You've been stringing me along the exact same way you have Bryan. You're not willing to let either of us go, and I'm not a man who can share."

"I'm not stringing you along, Gavin. I chose you. I choose you. I know what I want." She wipes at another tear that falls down her cheek.

"Then prove it," I challenge. "Call Bryan, right now. Tell him exactly what's been going on between us and end this once and for all."

"You can't be serious." She shakes her head.

"Oh, I'm very serious."

"That would devastate him," she objects.

"And?" I question. "He deserves the truth, Harlee."

"I understand that, but there is a right way to do this," she insists.

"And what exactly is the right way, Harlee?" I bite. "To tell him you just need some time apart. That it's not him, it's you. What bulls.h.i.+t excuse are you planning to feed the poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d?"

"Whatever one hurts him the least."

"Not an option." I shake my head slowly back and forth. "He deserves the truth, Harlee. And I deserve someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to be with me."

"I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. I put myself in this mess to begin with because of you. Now you act like I somehow made you false promises and misled you. You blew me off after we slept together the first time. You dropped me so quick I didn't even have time to wash your smell off my skin before you were moving on to the next girl in line. You can't blame me for not wanting to end things with Bryan when you suddenly reappeared in my life."

"Do you even hear yourself? You're openly admitting that you cheated on Bryan and yet still kept him around in case I flaked. What does that say about you, Harlee?"

"You think I don't know what kind of person this makes me? You think I don't feel guilty every second of every day? I do. I hate the person that looks back at me in the mirror. But you can't fault me for not wanting to lose Bryan over someone like you."

"Someone like me?" I question, letting it hang between us for several long seconds.

"Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about. I've seen the way you are with women. I'm not stupid. I knew what kind of man you were from the very first night I saw you. I had a good thing with Bryan; a stable thing. I was determined not to let you derail that. But then you'd smile at me or kiss me and my entire f.u.c.king mind would turn to mush. I didn't want to want you, Gavin. I didn't want to love you. I wanted to hate you because hating you is so much f.u.c.king easier. You did this. You put all three of us in this situation. So don't sit here and lecture me about the kind of person I am. You pursued another man's girlfriend, and you did so without any remorse."

"Because I go for what I f.u.c.king want, and I don't let anything or anyone stand in my way."

"That's an easy mentality to adopt when you're not the one who has to break someone else's heart," she snaps, clearly growing more frustrated.

"I get the hesitation in the beginning, I do. I understand why you tried to resist me. h.e.l.l, I even understand why you chose not to end things with Bryan right away. But it has been weeks now, Harlee. Have I not proven to you that I'm in this and this is what I want?" I gesture between the two of us.

"It's not that simple. What you're asking me to do isn't fair. I can't just call him and drop this on him. Why hurt him unnecessarily? You win. You've got me. Now let me do this in a way that I can still live with myself afterward."

"You mean let you sit on it for who knows how much longer before you fill the poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d's mind with lies and false hope. He deserves to know the truth, Harlee. He deserves to know what's going on. Otherwise, he'll never let you go. He will pine after you and hold out hope that you will change your mind and come back to him."

"No, he won't." I'm not sure if she's trying to convince me or herself.

"I've met the guy, Harlee. I've seen how he looks at you. You go to him with some bulls.h.i.+t about things just not working, and he'll never settle. You go to him and tell him the truth..."

"He'll never want to see me again." She finishes my sentence. "And that's exactly what you want. You want me to unnecessarily cause him pain so you don't have to worry about him being a factor anymore."

"Of course, I don't want to f.u.c.king deal with him still pining after you. I want him as far away from both of us as possible. But you misunderstand my request as selfish; it's not. You call Bryan and tell him the truth because that's what decent human beings do."

"So now I'm not a decent person because I don't want to hurt someone?" She's looking at me like I have five heads.

"Call him." I ignore her question.

"And if I don't?"

"Then we're done," I say, matter of fact.

"You can't be serious." I see the panic and realization flood her face in unison.

"I'm very serious. I need to know that you're with me one hundred percent."

"I am. I am with you a hundred percent. Please, just don't make me do it this way." Tears flood her cheeks and she reaches for me again.

"You say you've made your choice, then prove it," I say, reaching around her to pull her cell phone out of her back pocket. "Show me it's me." I flip her hand upward and set the device in her palm.

She stares at it for several long moments before her tear-filled gaze meets mine.

"I can't." Her words are barely a whisper and yet echo over and over again like she's screaming at the top of her lungs.

"You mean you won't." I keep my voice even despite that fact that I feel like I could punch a f.u.c.king hole straight through one of the truck windows at this current moment.

"If you could just give me more..."

"You can have all the f.u.c.king time you want," I interrupt her. "I'm done," I say, turning forward as I reach for the ignition, firing the truck to life.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying get the f.u.c.k out of my truck, Harlee." I keep my eyes focused forward as I try to hold my s.h.i.+t together.

"Gavin. Don't do this," she pleads, her hand settling down on top of my forearm.

I shake off her touch and finally meet her gaze.

"I said, get the f.u.c.k out of my truck," I repeat, accentuating each word. "Now." My voice booms through the truck causing Harlee to jump slightly.

I grip the steering wheel tighter and focus my eyes back through the winds.h.i.+eld.

"For what it's worth," she says weakly, shoving open the pa.s.senger door. "I love you."

I ignore both the sting and elation that crashes over me at her words. I can feel my emotions slip behind the black wall, numbness taking the place of where my love and anger reside.

"You have a funny way of showing people that you love them," I grind out.

I hear her trying to m.u.f.fle a sob as she slams the door shut and takes off toward her dorm. I watch as she crosses the courtyard before finally disappearing inside the large brick building.

I know I'm an a.s.shole. I know I have no right to demand such things of her. I know I don't deserve her love. I know a lot, but it doesn't change one f.u.c.king thing. She's proven to me she's incapable of handling this on her own which means only one thing. I'm either going to have to force her into a situation she can't back out of, or I'm simply going to have to let her go.

Either way, I will most likely end up losing her in the end...

Chapter Nineteen.

Gavin "You know, she's just as miserable as you are." Kimber slides into the stool next to me.

"I don't know what the f.u.c.k you're talking about." I keep my gaze focused on the flat screen television mounted on the wall behind the bar, taking another long drink of my beer.

"Are you sure you and Decklan aren't real brothers?" She nudges my shoulder with hers. "You sure as h.e.l.l act the same."

"He just likes to be like me." I turn my face, finally meeting her gaze.

"There he is." She smiles, causing my own lips to twitch upward in the closest thing to a smile I have formed in the last forty-eight hours.

"Where is Decklan anyway?" I look around the bar, realizing he must not have come down with her.

"He's sleeping." Her statement causes me to glance at the clock.

"At ten thirty?" I gape at her.

"I know, right," she laughs. "For the longest time, I couldn't get him to sleep at all. Now I feel like it's a struggle to keep him awake some nights."

"He's an old man now." I laugh before falling serious. "I don't think I've ever thanked you," I say, not missing the confusion that immediately floods her face.

"Thanked me?" she questions.

"For what you've done for Deck. You pulled him out of a hole I was convinced he would eventually die in. You've given him life. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. I know things were rocky there for a while. I'm glad you stuck it out."

"Please. That man is stuck with me whether he wants to be or not." She smiles, the action lighting up her entire face. "You don't have to thank me, though. I love him."

"I know I don't have to thank you, but I'm doing so anyway. He's my family and now so are you." I nudge her shoulder the same way she did mine just moments ago.

"I take it you've spoken to her?" I pull the conversation back to Harlee without skipping a beat.

I can try to play it off like I don't care all I want. It still doesn't change the fact that it's f.u.c.king killing me to try to focus on anything other than the beautiful girl that has completely consumed every f.u.c.king inch of me.

"I have," she confirms, nodding to Val when she slides a gla.s.s of water in front of her.

All I can see is Harlee's face, the events of two nights ago replaying in my head like a bad movie I just can't seem to force myself to shut off. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought forcing her hand would somehow prove that I had won, that I was who she wanted. Unfortunately, it would seem my actions have had the opposite effect.

She's made no attempt to contact me, and I'm too f.u.c.king proud to make the first move. I'm not exactly sure where that leaves us.

"How is she?" I ask when she makes no attempt to elaborate on her statement.

"How do you think she is?" She narrows her gaze on me.

"I guess it's safe to say I've made a real mess of things." I shake my head, turning my focus forward.