Crazy Stupid Obsession Part 17

"So it would seem," she agrees, falling silent for a long moment. "What did you hope to prove anyway?"

"I don't know." I shrug, taking another long drink of beer. "I guess I just hoped she'd stop finding excuses not to commit to me."

"Do you blame her?" Her question pulls my gaze back to her face. I expect to see a look of judgment or at the very least one of distaste; what I see instead is understanding.

"I get it, Gavin," she continues. "You love her. You're ready for more. But you have to understand that for a girl like Harlee, more can be a very scary thing. Especially when it's with someone like you." She laughs when I arch my eyebrows. "Relax, I don't mean that in a bad way. You know I love you."

"Why do I get the feeling a but is about to come out of your mouth."

"But." She laughs before continuing. "You aren't the most open person in the world, and you do have a bit of a reputation as a player." She seems almost apologetic by her statement. "Did you ever consider that this was never about Bryan? That Bryan was just Harlee's way of buying herself more time where you're concerned?"

"Is that what she told you?" I question.

"She hasn't told me anything. Not really." She shrugs. "I don't even know if she's figured this out for herself yet. But I know her well enough to know when she's stalling." She pauses, clearly choosing her next words wisely. "Has she ever told you about her parents? About her childhood?"

"Bits and pieces. I know her mom pa.s.sed. I know her dad lives close by. I know she doesn't have any siblings. Is there something else?" I ask, seeing the look of realization as it crosses her face.

"Gavin, Harlee's mom didn't just die, she overdosed. She was a drug addict. And what's worse, Harlee is the one who found her. Can you imagine being ten-years-old and walking in to find your mother sprawled out on the floor no longer breathing?"

"I had no idea," I admit, trying to calm the sudden rush of sadness I feel at the thought.

"And her dad does live close by, as in Oregon State Penitentiary close." She ignores my clear surprise and continues. "When Harlee was fifteen, he was arrested for armed robbery and sentenced to ten years."

"Why wouldn't she tell me this?" I question, confused and honestly a little hurt that I have to hear this from Kimber instead of Harlee herself.

"Is that something you would walk around announcing, especially to someone you're falling in love with? She's embarra.s.sed, Gavin. Her aunt Joy took her in afterward. Her father's much younger sister," she clarifies. "Joy has been more of a mom to Harlee in the last four years than her real mom ever was. But this isn't a sad story, Gavin. I'm not trying to spin you some tail about how horrible her childhood was. I'm just trying to give you a better understanding of where she comes from. She has a harder time trusting than most, and I've found that she tends to make excuses when it comes to committing herself to anything. I think at the end of the day, she's just afraid to open herself up to the unpredictability of a real relations.h.i.+p."

"Yet she's with Bryan?" I interject.

"And look at that relations.h.i.+p." She rolls her eyes. "If she felt even half for Bryan what she feels for you, she never would have even looked at another man, let alone be sleeping with one on the side. Bryan is safe for her. He's kind and sweet and doesn't ask too much of her. Deep down she knows he can't hurt her because she doesn't love him. Instead, he's her armor. She's hiding behind him."

"So when I asked her to shed her armor..." I start.

"She panicked." Kimber finishes my sentence. "I don't doubt that she likes Bryan, but I knew almost immediately that their relations.h.i.+p stemmed from her feelings for you. I knew it when she suddenly went from obsessing over you to dating him out of the blue. Harlee hasn't ever really had a steady relations.h.i.+p, at least not from what she's told me. And then all of a sudden she's dating some guy, whose direction she wouldn't even look in a few weeks ago. And it all lines up with when you came into her life. I refuse to believe that's just coincidence. Bryan is more her s.h.i.+eld than her actual boyfriend."

"I don't get it, though. Why s.h.i.+eld herself from me, if that's what she's actually doing? I've been nothing but upfront with her. She knows what I want." I finish off my beer before sliding the gla.s.s to the edge of the bar. "I'm not playing her. I'm not playing games. I f.u.c.king love the girl."

"I know you do." She reaches out, patting my forearm with her hand. "But take it from someone who's been there, loving a man is hard enough; loving someone you're convinced will eventually break your heart is something else entirely. It's hard to really put yourself out there when you're certain you already know the outcome."

"Then why choose to love that person at all?" I ask, nodding when Val slides a fresh beer across the bar to me.

"Because it's not a choice. Did you choose to love Harlee?"

"No," I answer truthfully.

"Exactly. It just happens. Harlee loves you, Gavin. I know you know that. You are who she wants. I know you know that, too. But you can't force her into something she's not ready for. All you can do is show her that she's worth waiting for."

"Like you did with Decklan," I state, knowing first-hand how determined this girl was when it came to holding on to Deck no matter how hard he tried to push her away.

"In a way, yes. I knew he loved me. I also knew he was going through something I didn't fully understand. Don't get me wrong, there were times that I wanted to walk away. Times when I convinced myself that life without him would simply be easier. But at the end of the day, easy was never what I wanted. I wanted him. No matter how many ups and downs we had, no matter how many secrets he kept or how often I wanted to force them out of him. Not one of those things made me love him any less. In fact, they made me love him more. That's how I knew it was real. There was nothing I wasn't willing to sacrifice for his happiness, and there still isn't. That's what love is really all about. Wanting what's best for the other person even if it directly conflicts with your own happiness."

"But what happens when the person's happiness you value above your own is being restricted by themselves? What if they are standing in the way of their own happiness and are just too blind to realize it? What then?" I spin my stool slightly so that I can face Kimber straight on.

"Then I guess it's your job to make them see it." Her response is instant. "But just make sure that you're doing it for her and not for yourself."

"What if I'm doing it for both?"

"Why do I get the feeling you're planning something?" she questions, her pretty face turning suddenly accusatory.

"Because I am."

"I say this because I love both of you. Be careful. Even when you set out to do things for the right reason, it can still blow up in your face. You have to make sure you can live with either outcome."

"I won't live without her. Honestly, I don't f.u.c.king know if I can."

"Then you better make d.a.m.n sure you know what you're doing," she warns.

"f.u.c.k. I don't know anything when it comes to that girl," I admit.

"Funny, she said the same thing about you."

"I thought when I demanded that she call Bryan with me sitting next to her that she would. I thought for sure when she refused that she'd eventually agree. I thought when I pushed her away it would make her see just how serious I am about this, and she would realize I was right. You see how well that's worked out." I sigh, drinking half of my beer in one large gulp before setting the gla.s.s back onto the bar.

"h.e.l.l, now she probably wants nothing to f.u.c.king do with me," I tack on.

"That couldn't be further from the truth."

"Why do you say that?" I ask when she makes no attempt to explain.

"Harlee hasn't called you, but that's not because she hasn't wanted to. She truly believes she's pushed you too far and you're done with her. She spent so much time convincing herself that eventually you would walk away; once you did, I think she just accepted that there wasn't anything she could do to change it."

"f.u.c.k. I really f.u.c.ked this one up, didn't I?" I rest my elbows against the bar, dropping my head into my hands.

"I actually see where you were coming from. It can't be easy loving someone you feel like you have to share with someone else. I'm surprised you've let it go on as long as you have."

"I was trying to win her heart before I forced her hand."

"Well, you've definitely won her heart. Question is, what are you going to do now?"

"Force her hand." I let out a small laugh when Kimber c.o.c.ks a brow.

"Didn't you try that already?" She shakes her head at me. "How's that working out for you again?"

"This time, it won't be me demanding the answers." I sit back, turning my head toward Kimber.

"I don't think I want to know," she says, shaking her head.

"Good, because I have no intention of telling you." My words cause her eyes to go wide just moments before we both start laughing.

"My G.o.d, I don't know how Harlee deals with you." She laughs out, turning her attention to the door just to the right of the bar when it swings open and Decklan steps out.

He yawns and runs a hand through his messy hair, smiling when he catches sight of me and Kimber sitting at the bar.

"There you are," he says the moment he reaches us, dropping a kiss on the top of Kimber's head before throwing me a nod.

"What are you doing up?" Kimber asks, swiveling her stool so that she is facing him.

"I woke up and you weren't there. I couldn't seem to go back to sleep after that." He shrugs, not even trying to hide the fact that this girl completely f.u.c.king owns him.

I know the feeling.

"Sorry, I wasn't tired. Found this sorry sap drinking away his sorrows, so I thought I'd keep him company." She throws a playful wink in my direction.

"Is that so?" Decklan turns his attention toward me. "Anything I can do?" he asks, already knowing in full detail the events that took place after I left my mom's with Harlee the day before yesterday.

"Probably best to leave this to the professionals," Kimber chimes in jokingly, sliding out of her stool to stand next to Decklan. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." She links her arm through his.

"I'm not really tired anymore." He smiles down at her.

"Who said anything about sleeping." She laughs when the realization of what she's saying finally seems to sink in.

"Night, dude." Deck briefly lays a hand on my shoulder before throwing his arm around Kimber.

"Good luck," Kimber speaks over her shoulder as Decklan leads her away. "And don't make things worse." She raises her voice as she gets further away.

"I'll do my best," I holler back, laughing as her and Decklan disappear upstairs.

Chapter Twenty.

Harlee I have no idea why the h.e.l.l I'm doing this. I should have just ignored Kimber's phone call, and continued to pretend like my life isn't falling apart around me. But something made me answer it. Now here I am, driving two hours to Portland despite how late in the evening it is.

I just couldn't stop myself after hearing what Kimber had to say. I have to see him, now. I have to explain to him why I couldn't do what he asked of me. I know it isn't unreasonable. I should break things off with Bryan. It's what's best for everyone involved. But I just couldn't do it. Not like that. Not with him breathing down my neck and listening to every word.

He was so angry with me. I don't think I've ever had a man look at me the way Gavin looked at me that night. It was like part of him wanted to strip me bare and the other wanted to punch me in the face. The contradicting emotions made things more than a little difficult to read.

I've spent two days trying to convince myself that getting out of that truck and letting him drive away was the right move even though it's the last thing I wanted.

I'm done now. Being without him these past couple of days, not hearing his voice or his laugh, not feeling the warmth of him pressed up against me, has been enough to make me realize that some things are just worth sacrificing everything for.

He is worth everything and then some. I think it's about time I tell him this.

I call Bryan four times on my way to Deviants, but still haven't reached him by the time I pull into the parking lot behind the bar just after one in the morning. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I have been completely avoiding him since we went to dinner last week. As far as I know he's probably planning on ending things with me and all of this back and forth trying to save his feelings will have been for not.

I decide to try and call one more time before going inside to see Gavin. But like the other four times I've called, the phone goes straight to voicemail. This time, I decide to leave a message.

"Hey Bryan, it's me. Listen, we need to talk. Can you call me back when you get this?" I disconnect the call, killing the engine to Joy's Mercedes as soon as I pull into a spot at the back of the lot.

I tried returning the car to her last week only to find out she took an impromptu trip to the Florida Keys for a week and won't be home until the day after tomorrow. Now I'm glad I decided to keep it until she gets back, otherwise this trip wouldn't have really been an option. I'm not like Kimber. I can't endure a two-hour cab ride to Portland.

Taking a deep breath, I exit the car, tightening my coat around my shoulders as I make the cold walk around the building to the front entrance of the bar. I wish I had taken more time to get ready but this truly was a spur of the moment, now or never kind of thing, so Gavin's just going to have to deal with my leggings and oversized tunic. I'm sure I look every bit a hot mess, and I'm also sure that I really don't give a s.h.i.+t right now.

Given that it's one of their slower nights, there is no bouncer manning the front door, and I'm able to walk directly inside without drawing any attention to my arrival. It's no secret that Gavin and I have been hanging out and everyone that works here knows exactly who I am.

I slide my coat off and drape it over my arm the moment I step inside, the warmth of the bar a complete contrast to the bitter night air outside. I look around the room, scanning the faces of only a handful of customers before finally turning my attention to the female bartender who seems to notice my arrival instantly.

"Hey Val," I say the moment I reach the bar. She barely looks up from where she's was.h.i.+ng gla.s.ses to give me a brief nod. "Is Gavin still here or has he already left for the night?"

"Um..." She gives me a puzzled look and then gestures to her left drawing my attention to two people at the end of the bar.

It takes me a moment to recognize Gavin, not because he looks any different but because his face is almost completely hidden behind a big breasted, slender brunette that is practically sitting in his lap.

I ignore the sting of jealousy that floods through me as I set off in their direction, not really sure what's going on until I get close enough to hear them.

"Oh come on, Gav. You used to be so much fun." The woman whines, grinding against his leg.

"And he used to not have a girlfriend." I step up next to them, my eyes locking immediately with Gavin's, which go wide the moment he registers my face.

"Girlfriend?" The brunette pulls my attention to her as she steps up in front of me. "You? Please." She throws her head back and laughs, the sound slurred through her clear intoxication.

"As opposed to a catch like you," I bite sarcastically, my nostrils flaring slightly.

I've never been in a real fight in my entire life, but given the amount of adrenaline pumping through me at the current moment, I have no doubt I could knock this b.i.t.c.h on her a.s.s and not even break a sweat.

"Now, ladies," Gavin chimes in, pulling both of our gazes to him as he stands, stepping between us. "It was good seeing you again, Abbey," he says to the brunette. "Val will get you a cab when you're ready to leave." He turns, ignoring her clear disappointment as his attention comes to me.

"As for you, come with me." His tone is harsh and clipped as his hand closes around mine. In one quick tug, he's pulling me behind him, away from the bar and down the hallway that houses the bathrooms.

At first, I think he's leading me toward the back entrance but then he veers left, pus.h.i.+ng his way through the door that leads into a small storage closet where they keep cleaning supplies and other various things stocked.

The room goes pitch black when he slams the door shut just moments after pulling me inside but then the light flickers on, basking us in a dim yellow glow.

"What the f.u.c.k are you doing here?" He takes a commanding step toward me causing me to step back.

"I needed to see you," I stutter out, taking another step backward until my back hits the cold steel of the door.

"I thought I was pretty clear the last time we spoke." He steps directly into me, his chest pressing into mine as his face hovers just inches away.

It isn't until now that I notice the alcohol on his breath or the bright red streaks that line his eyes.

"I'm sorry, did I ruin your fun?" I spit, anger creeping through my spine at the thought of what may have happened between him and that woman had I not shown up.