Off Air ~Yes, No, Or Maybe Half?~ Chapter 5 Part3

Part 3: My Sun

Translator Note: Summer Kos.h.i.+en is usually held in August, so this side story takes place about a month after the end of Volume 2.

"And it's time for our very popular corner this week!"

"That's right, we be droppin' the trousers of normal, everyday objects to uncover their secret, s.e.xy side."

"Last time we said we would issue our s.e.xy reading challenge to a number of gravure idols to read a professional sumo wrestling rankings table. Unfortunately, the sports department at Asahi TV had objections to us using material that could give an official impression."

"Told us we'd be trouble if we say 'em. Too bad, eh?"

"And so we've prepared a challenge for today that won't get us into trouble. Take a look at the board! It's the periodic table of elements!"

"Y'all remember making up mnemonic devices to memorize the elements in school?"

"Well, if we get flooded by angry messages from Madam Curie or whomever, we can't do a thing about it."

"Reckon no one could do a thing if that happened. And the challenger reading the periodic table and making it s.e.xy is… Asahi TV's rookie announcer, Kunieda Kei-kun~!"

"Good evening. I'm Kunieda Kei, and this is my first year with the network."

"Ooh, a das.h.i.+n' fine young man he is."

"That he is."

"Um, thank you…"

"Hmm, you look like you've never had to lift a finger to get anything you wanted in life."

"Why the sudden chilly reception? Kuniedkun, you have yourself a real smooth voice there for an announcer, but we'd like you to add a little s.e.xiness to your voice today. Can ya do that for us?"

"Yes, I'll try my best."

"The judging criteria will be how hard you can make the two of us."

"Shush up, you!"

"He's not from a talent agency, so it's okay, right?"

"Let's steer away from the off-color jokes. I beg ya."

"The producer said we could do whatever we want, yeah?"

"I'm beggin' ya, please."

"He also said that Kuniedkun might not be happy with anything past Boron."

"If he can't handle Boron, then he's not gonna like anything that comes after it. Awww, his face is getting darker and darker, so let's get right to it! What shall we make him read first?"

"Hmm, let's start with Period 5. Please go ahead."

"Rub Sir Yates to zero. n.o.ble moderation of tactics rusts each rhapsody paid."1

"…Oooh, that's quite nice."

"Sounds very profound, dunnit?"

"By the way, Kuniedkun, do you do a lot of rubbing?"

"Uh… I wonder…"

"Don't slip in bits of s.e.xual hara.s.sment, you. All right, next."

"Next, hmm? Let's do the famous one from the families. Group 2!"

"Beloved in magic, she captivated sorely bare and ravished."3

"That's deep. Just what a man wants."

"By the way, Kuniedkun, are you a b.r.e.a.s.t.s kind of man…?"

"Are you tryin' to send him on a marriage interview?"

"Just wondering if he had a taste for them that's all."

"Why wouldn't he like them? He's a real good looker, after all."

"Actually, I think b.r.e.a.s.t.s would have a taste for Kuniedkun more. He's the type that nice things would get addicted to in return."

"And what's that supposed to look like?"

"The rainbow that appears after crying your eyes out?"

"I don't understand where this is going no more."

"All right, let's proceed! Group 15.

"New p.o.r.n aspirations, subscriptions bi-weekly."4

"That's good information to know. Hmm… Group 17."

"The fevered clutch of a bra, an inside attack."