Born From A Divine Gamble 165 Philips Hasting

She had not been allowed outside of them since she came back home.

She didn't usually spend so much time in those rooms, she liked to go around and speak with people. In a way, she was now a prisoner. She could have everything she wanted except for the books she needed and couldn't step out of her chambers.

That garden had been a bit of a mess when she came back but with all the upsetting free time she now had, she had tidied it up greatly. The trees were trimmed, the flowers arranged, the weeds pulled out and all the dead gra.s.s raked away.

Now it was a very pretty place, more than serene enough to take a refres.h.i.+ng drink under the sun and shade.

She had emptied another of her rooms to make some s.p.a.ce to practice the sword dance but working all day like this was very tiring. Taking a break in the garden was important too sometimes to let her mind and body rest.

There were so many things she would rather be doing right now but her father refused to back down. He had said that she'd be forbidden to leave until she changed her mind and he stubbornly stuck to his words. Of course, she did the exact same and refused to change her mind however much he waited.

Every day, the servants would ask her if she changed her mind on behalf of her father and everyday she would tell them to ask the same in return. There were a lot of things she needed to do but she wouldn't be able to move freely until her father gave up.

She understood that he might never do so but she would not back down either. She was doing this for the good of everyone. Even without the books holding the details on the third stage of the sword dance she would keep training everyday for it and even without speaking to anyone, those outside knew what she intended to do and would cause some chaos for her.

She didn't really have anyone truly on her side yet because she had not planned any of this with any other n.o.bles. However, she knew that at least a few must have chosen to side for her and might be pressuring her father to release her as she sat in the garden.

She had no way to contact anyone but through the servants who all worked for her father. Even if she believed that some might be on her side, a few even told her so straight up, she couldn't rely on them to do anything for her. None of them could truly be trusted with any kind of message and she didn't know who to call for help.

Because of this, there was nothing else for her to do but work on some pa.s.s-time and improve her technique.

She believed it wouldn't be much longer before she gathered enough speed in her spinning to reach the third stage. The problem she was facing now was her own head. When the spins got too fast, her brain and her skull weren't able to take the pressure anymore and it made her technique collapse.

There was only one possible explanation. There was some sort of self-magic built into the technique that she didn't know about. That self magic would probably make the speed bearable for her body and unable her to enter the third stage properly.

Without that self magic, she would forever be stuck into the second stage, her speed limited by her physical resistance and the time she could fight shortened by the same thing. She needed those old books, the answer must be somewhere in there.

How was she to get it though?

She couldn't simply ask a servant to bring it here even if they claimed to be on her side. Her to sealed slaves could be trusted but they wouldn't be allowed out of her chambers either. She couldn't figure out an answer to her problem however much she tried. It was all very displeasing.

"Mistress," Cherry called from the edge of the garden, interrupting her thoughts. "You have a visitor."

"If it's my father again, tell him I'm not in the mood and I'm not marrying anyone."

He had come many times to speak about suitors with her already and she had been very cold about the idea every time. She didn't have time for this and refused to conform to his plans for the future of their house.

"There's no point in joining the house of someone who isn't my better in any way." She told him flatly many times over.

Her father insisted she should consider this man or that, pointing out some good things about them but Nessa didn't feel any interest for any of them. None were better in combat than her, none had a better status than the Hastings, none were particularly attractive from her memory alone and she didn't trust any of them nearly enough to place her name into their hands.

The worse of all her father asked her to consider was the knight Duncan. He was a rising star apparently but she only felt disdain for him thanks to his previous att.i.tude with her.

He also proposed that with what the Muracier elder said, they might be able to arrange a meeting between her and their heir. Out of all of the proposals she received yet, this was the lesser of all evil. At least that man would have the power to help protect the northern grove by the fact he'd be the great general. He would probably be stronger than her in battle too which was good.

It wasn't an option she was willing to consider however. She'd never give up on Folcourse and the north. She would be the d.u.c.h.ess of the northern grove no matter what. She wasn't meant to simply be a wife, she was meant to rule and protect the land herself instead. Any man wanting to marry her would have to join her, not the other way around.

She was very clear about that to her father who simply refused to listen to her words. She was tired of speaking with him about this knowing it wouldn't ever go anywhere and that was why she told her slave to refuse him.

"It is not your father but your brother instead." Cherry answered her mistress.

That was a surprisingly good surprise. Philips hadn't spoken to her since the day she came back. She was eager to see him. Her att.i.tude changed completely and she urged Cherry to bring him to the garden quickly.

Her brother walked in following Cherry soon after and locked eyes with Nessa.

"Philips! I'm so happy to finally see you. Come sit with me quick, I'll get you something to drink."

She knew exactly what her brother liked to drink best and she always had the ingredients on hand in case he came. She had the habit of doing that even before she left for the school.

Philips didn't crack a smile for her and just sat on a chair opposite to hers.

"Hi sister." He coldly said, making her frown deeply.

She poured him a cup of his favorite and pushed it to his side.

"Here... You look angry Philips. Will you tell me whats wrong?"

"Isn't it obvious why I'm angry at you?" He half said half shouted.

Nessa could guess it was about trying to take the heir position from him but she didn't understand why it made him mad. She was doing it all for him after all. Well, she understood on a logical standpoint how it could make him angry but she couldn't connect the idea to her soft brother.

"Philips, you're my precious little brother. There's no way I'd do anything to harm you." She affirmed.

"Then what is that!" His voice broke into an embarra.s.sing high pitched sound at the end but his anger was clear.

At any other time, she would have found it extremely funny but she couldn't feel any amus.e.m.e.nt from seeing her brother in such a fury.

She waited for him to calm down and drink at least a sip of his cup before she answered but she was cut off by his disgusted expression.

"Ew, what is that?" He said again, this time shooting a dubious look at the cup.

She looked at the cup and her brother in confusion and tried some for herself as she answered.

"It's sun-berries and spiced-moonleaves as usual."

She tasted the liquid and found that it tasted exactly as she expected it too. The strong sugary flavor drowned her taste buds quickly and then the spiced-moonleaves brought peace to her mouth again. It was a very special blend she only enjoyed with her brother. She didn't see what was wrong with it.

"Did it really always taste so bad? I didn't remember. I haven't drank this in ages." He complained, pus.h.i.+ng the cup away from him. "I can't believe I was always drinking that back then."

Nessa was left at a loss. She didn't know what to say. Her brother didn't like his favorite drink anymore? He said it tasted like sunset before.

"But, wasn't it you favorite? What do you drink now then?"

"That was five years ago Nessa! I'm not a small kid anymore and I'm not here to talk about drinks with you! I'm here to know why you're doing this!"

He was clearly a small kid still, there was no way she could agree with his sentence. He was a small boy animated by a seemingly childish anger he expressed with a squeaky voice.

"Obviously, I'm doing this for you, I said so the other week, didn't I?" She answered on a more defensive tone than she intended.

"I... Don't believe you." He answered. Only hesitating a bit to say it.

Nessa felt her heart break. Her whole body turned cold.

"What?" She mustered in a whisper.

"I said I don't believe you!" He shouted back. "If you cared about me you wouldn't have said all those mean things about me in front of the whole a.s.sembly!"

Had she hurt his pride? She hadn't meant to do that at all.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings but it was the only way."

"You weren't forced to say anything! You're devious, mean and manipulative! I want the old Nessa back! I don't recognize you."

His words felt like claws ripping large gashes into her. No one had ever called her devious and manipulative before! Was that really what her lovely brother was thinking? She knew she had matured a bit but she wasn't a completely different person like he seemed to think. She was still his big sister, the one who liked to hug and spoil him.

Feeling hurt from his comment, she raised her voice too.

"What was I supposed to do then! There's no way I'll just sit by and watch my brother get turned into some puppet! What I said back there is just the truth even if its painful to hear!"

"It's not! I can take care of myself!" He replied while beating the table.

"You clearly can't and I'm scared for you. Why can't you understand?"

"Why can't 'YOU' understand! I'll be the lord not you! Stop trying to steal my things!"

She scowled at him keeping the same upset tone without raising her voice.

"You can't call the northern grove your things! It's whole territory of our family and it never should have been promised to you! Why are you so block headed and irrational! You don't like your favorite beverage anymore and you're not the kind brother I know, I don't recognize you either! I want my cute obedient brother back!"

"A lord can't be cute and obedient!" He said with a high pitch voice.

"You're not a lord!" She answered meanly.

He got up from his seat again making the chair fall and clatter on the stone path and pointed her way.

"I am! You're not the one to decide!"

"Philips, just be reasonable! You'll clearly be happier with my plan, father is wrong."

"No I won't because clearly you don't know me and I don't know you either! You're a liar and I hate you!"

With tears in his eyes, her brother spun around and left the garden in a storm.

Nessa remained frozen in place as his back disappeared from her view. Her thoughts were in chaos right now and her heart bleeding. With some difficulty, she got up, walked to her bedroom and locked herself inside. Only then did she start crying and sobbing as well.

Her mind was filled with the angry and crying face of her brother, she couldn't think of anything else. How did it come to this? She couldn't make sense of anything that just happened and was too shocked to form any proper thoughts. She kept replaying the scene in her head over and over again. It became more real and detailed every time she did, unable to stop it from happening.

It felt like a bad prank, a nightmare even. How could her brother say that!

What happened to her adorable brother while she was gone?

She lied face down onto her bed and kept crying as the madly angry face of Philips was burned into her eyes. She had just wanted his happiness and well being. Now her own brother said that he hated her, called her a liar, called her mean, manipulative and even devious!

She had never fought seriously with her brother before.

He was usually so adorable and kind. He go about his day with a smile and came request a hug from his sister whenever something disappointed him. She'd spoil him and give him some advice on what he should do. He was such a good boy, he's always listen to what she told him and act properly.

She could not recognize the boy she just faced. He was a totally different person than the brother she loved so much. Could he really change so much in just five years? Was she really the one that had changed? Was she in the wrong? She did not understand.

She wouldn't even have been able to picture him this angry before and certainly not towards her. He seemed so mad and so hurt. She felt so sorry, she wasn't doing that to hurt him! She just wanted to help! Why could he not see? Was she really the strange one? She felt her reasoning was sound but in the face of how her dear brother reacted, she wasn't so sure of it anymore.

Why did she answer so meanly to him in the first place? She felt deep regret. She tried to replay the scene differently in her head and be softer or more careful but the memory refused to obey her changes and kept going back to his distorted face.

She felt really pained. She worked so hard for this for over five years, all of those efforts to help him and he just spat on it all. He said he hated her! He could have called her by all sorts of insulting names it wouldn't have hurt her more than this. Did he really mean it? He must have. Her own brother.

She was just trying to do what was right.

At this moment, she felt like giving up on all of it. If he wanted to be miserable for the rest of his life then so be it. She'd move far away and leave him be, she'd find someone she loved and forget about this place.

She spent some more time crying and picturing herself in some other place doing this or that, dancing with many and chatting with friends like Mable. In the end though, all those visions felt frustratingly wrong.

She clenched her fists, gripping her thin bed-sheets.

Even if her brother hated her, she couldn't accept it and couldn't leave him to his fate. Even if everyone were to gather to oppose her, she knew she was justified. She had to be right, she had spent too many efforts and time on this already to just change her mind. She had come too far to turn around and give up in front of her brother's selfishness.

Not only for his own good but for the north as a whole, she couldn't stop. She had already gathered the ire of her whole family and exposed her will to every n.o.bles of the northern Atefine. Stepping back now was simply impossible. She had to see things through and achieve what she had first set out to do.

Even if Philips didn't see it now, she was convinced he'd be happier if things went her way. She was also convinced that the northern grove needed someone like her more than someone like him to lead it forward. She'd face the anger of everyone with the conviction that she was doing what had to be done.

She would keep feeling sorry for her brother but would never apologize. It wasn't her fault if he was born frail, it wasn't her fault if the n.o.bles were opportunistic predators that would use him for their own ends either. Even if he didn't like it, she'd keep protecting him because that was how an older sibling should act and because she loved him. She'd keep loving him, whether he changed or not, whether he opposed her or saw how wrong he was and whether he loved her or not.

Folcourse was her home and would always be her home, she refused to see it falter or crumble or fall into the hands of some other house. This place was theirs along with the whole north and it deserved a proper lord. With her older brothers gone to join the ancestors, she was the most fit for the place, everybody knew. Thinking that her brother could fill in that ma.s.sive seat was just delusional. She loved him as much as any sister could possibly love their brothers but that love couldn't warp reality to the convenience of her father or Philips'.

It took her the whole day to put her thoughts back in order. She had never been this upset in her life before. Philips and Folcourse meant so much for her, having both reject her like this was devastating.

Her whole bed was wet with tears when she finally stopped and pulled her face away from the pillow. She felt so exhausted from this whole thing too. She wiped her eyes and sat back up weakly. She didn't really feel any better but she was at least calm again.

The following days were hard for her. With her resolve tested like this, she felt the urge to make some progress but there was nothing she could do while stuck inside here. She was left at the mercy of her dark thoughts and the only thing she could do was endure them with her willpower. She would not give up and she would not change her mind.

Her training suffered from this too, she couldn't focus properly and kept making mistakes.

It took her a whole week to properly clear her mind of sadness and disappointment. She acknowledged the feelings but could not yield to them. She convinced herself that pus.h.i.+ng through now would spare her some much more terrible feelings later down the line. Her brother hating her for now was a lesser evil when compared to what could happen later if she gave up now.

She steeled herself again and put all of this out of her mind. She just had to keep the objective at the forefront of her mind. She would deal with all the resentment it might send her way afterwards.

Even if others thought the same thing as her brother, their thoughts would never affect her as much as the words of Philips. She just didn't care about how they saw her, usurper or rightful heir didn't matter as long as she was in a position to make sure that everything would go well. Once she was d.u.c.h.ess, she'd show them what she was made of and make the northern grove stable again, no, she'd make it grow stronger and better instead.

She needed the books and she needed allies. She needed to show what she could do to everyone and she needed to cease wasting time in her chambers. If her brother intended to fight her too than she needed to put more thoughts into her plan, only convincing her father wouldn't be enough.

Her father should have the last word but she didn't know how far her brother was willing to go for this. He wasn't the same anymore after all and in his anger, he might listen to some foul advice from others aiming to gain from his seat. She was scared that he might do something terrible but she couldn't back down. The only thing she could do now was to go all out in order to prevent the rug from getting pulled from under her feet at the last moment.

With that in mind, she decided to brazenly enlist the maids to help her and sent them out to do tasks for her. She had been afraid they might report her to her father but at this point, it didn't really matter anymore. She couldn't see how it could possibly get worse.

Her father wouldn't dare jail her or disown her entirely. The worse he could do to her now was to take away her supply of tea and openly speak against her. He might also try to send someone to take away her weapons and armor but she wouldn't let them get away with this without a fight.

Whenever a maid came in, she sent her back to find answers to some questions. Where there any n.o.bles or knights who clearly sided for her? Was there anyone trying to worm their way close to her brother already? How did people in and out of the palace viewed her in general?

Slowly but surely, she started gathering information. Since none of the maids could truly be trusted, she had to ask many the same things over and over again to make sure the information was accurate. Anyone of them could pretend to side for her while thinking the opposite and feed her false information after all.

Out of the eight maid she gathered to help her, two got caught by her father and punished and three more tried to trick her. After three weeks, she only had three loyal agents on her side and a few valuable information.

Next, she had to organize it and decide what to do with it. She made lists, who was clearly against her, who needed to be dealt with somehow, who was too dangerous to let them close to her brother, who would a.s.sist her and who said they'd a.s.sist her but couldn't be trusted with anything.

In the list of those on her side the name of sir Clarence, the knight who defeated her in the hall stood out. He was well respected and served the north for a long time. He was a man who believed in traditions, strength and honor. He had not been in the hall while she argued with her father and missed all this unsightly mess but on all accounts, he leaned more towards her reasoning than that of her father.

He knew she'd make a stronger leading figure than the frail Philips and was also of the mind that as the eldest child, she should be heir by rights. He mostly kept his thoughts to himself however and Vanessa only confirmed his disposition when he came to see her himself.

She was in the room she had cleared for training to do just that when she was told that a knight wanted to see her.

"A knight?"

It was an unexpected event because mostly everyone was forbidden to interact with her aside from the maids. The knights at the door were fiercely loyal to her father and would not let anyone in except family.

The only way for a knight to get in here was for him to be in charge of the door himself.

She quickly told Cherry to let him in and moved to her living room to meet him, discovering that it was sir Clarence.

"Sir Clarence? How did you get here?" She asked with curiosity.

"Narcis needed a break and I proposed to replace him for an hour or so."He explained.

Narcis must be the knight guarding the door then, he was a bit of a sour man but he was talented with a pick or mace, he was known to be an expert in fighting heavily armored opponents.

"As expected, everyone would trust such a knight as you sir Clarence. You are loyal and strong, I do not understand what you are doing here defying my father's will." She admitted to her visitor.

Still, she showed him a seat and had her slaves bring in something to drink.

"Well, the truth is simple my lady." The man explained, accepting the drink offered and sitting down facing her. "My daughter was present in the hall when my lady came back and has been in awe in front of your royal sword dance since then. She's been very upset towards our lord for forbidding you from accessing the books containing the rest of the technique."

The both of them wearing their armors while sat around her delicate table made for an amusing sight but Nessa remained serious.

"So you are here to tell me that your daughter is impressed by the sword dance?"

This couldn't possibly be the reason why he was here.

"No, although this is part of it. I came here to bring you this."

He placed the cup he had just picked up down again and sent his hand into a bag held at his hip. From it, he retrieved an ancient book. Nessa's eyes went wide when she realized what it was.

"It was easy for me to go fetch it for you my lady. You became a role model for my daughter who's been training relentlessly to be acknowledged as a proper knight herself. Seeing her own father struggle against you in the hall really impressed her and she urged me to help you in some way. She's been pestering me about this book ever since. I would never betray my lord but you learning the next stage of the dance can only benefit the Hasting house as a whole."

It took a moment for Nessa to be able to form any sort of answer to his words at all.

"I, thank you sir Clarence. This is very important to me so you have my sincere grat.i.tude. How could I repay you this favor?"

"There is no need to repay me in any way my lady. This book has always been yours by right. I believe you would make a fine d.u.c.h.ess and the t.i.ttle should have been yours to begin with. I will not interfere further however, I hope my lady will keep being a proper model for my daughter but my duties will always come first."

Nessa understood what he was trying to say. Clarence would never openly defy her lord father because he was loyal to the man and if he chose Philips in the end then Clarence would serve Philips regardless of his personal feelings. He also wanted to remind her that people like his own daughter looked up to her for inspiration and urged her to not disappoint them. She had to remain morally unyielding and righteous for them.

"I can promise you that I would never do anything to harm the northern grove or my family. I will not disappoint your daughter or betray her hopes in me. Even if I was to loose in the end, I would not turn against my own people. If failure was to be the final result of my efforts, I would take it with dignity."

The knight nodded in satisfaction.

"Those are not only the words of a good lord but also the words of a good person. This is all I can decently ask of you my lady. May your training clear the path to a bright future."

"And may your hard earned strength keep the present protected." She answered the cla.s.sic farewell.

The knight drank the contents of the cup in one go and got back up again. He had barely just arrived but with his task done, he had no reason to defy her lord father any longer and hurried back to the door to watch over it as he had been asked to do.

Nessa didn't mind his swift appearance and sudden leave however because he had made her life much easier by bringing her the old book she desperately needed.

She pulled the book towards her and after struggling a while to remove her thick gauntlets, she flipped open the crackled leather covering the old pages. The book smelled of time and the pages had a sickly color to them but the words were still perfectly readable.

She turned the pages delicately until she reached the parts she didn't know about. The words that no Hastings had needed to see in a very long time.

u003c When I dance, the world around me become blurry. The line turns into a point and all sense of direction is lost. Sounds all merge into one and quickly overwhelms me but then, when performed correctly, everything will soon come to a standstill. I must feel the music of the world not through my ears but through my veins, through my lungs, through my tired muscles, let it flow and infuse my whole body until all is one.

Once the music you can hear dies, the true melody can be uncovered. There's a certain serenity to the cycle unfolding around us. All comes to a standstill and every efforts I produce is absorbed into stillness. In an unmoving land, I dance, the movements lost to stillness. Once immersed into it properly, I feel as if the notes themselves a.s.sault my opponents. I do not know whether I'm moving or not, I only know that the dance is isn't over yet.

I understand better now what she meant when she bestowed the technique upon me. "Faster and Faster until a third master. Now, do not hear the music, now, breathe, be the music."...u003e

A smile was creeping up on Nessa's face. She would have a lot of work to do and a lot of trial and errors to go through but at least now, she had a chance. It was with an unmasked eagerness that she read and absorbed the words imparted by her ancestor.

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