Drown 24 #23

His whole body is shaking, His hug tightened. Like he doesn't want to let me go and I'm the source of his strength.

It hurts, it pains me a lot because i know im not the reason why he's broken, i can never be the reason of his heart ache.

I know because i can feel and i won't fool my self for thinking, maybe just a tiny part of his is crying for me.

Enough with being stupid, I'm not the woman he loves, im not his woman.

He continued clinging unto me, i couldn't help but wonder..

Is this my fate?

"Rest" the first thing that came out from my mouth was that word.

I helped him walk and lay him on his bed. The whole place is a disaster and messy.

Cans of beers scattered all over the floor, the stereo is on full volume and everything is too dark.

After helping him i tried to walk out..

But he held my hand. I stared at his hands grabbing mine tightly.

Oh G.o.d, Zach. What's wrong with you? Why are you being like this? Why is it like we're going back to one? it feels dejãvu isn't?

You're having a hard time but please consider me too.

"Don't leave me" He whispered.

I smiled bitterly. Ironic isn't it? those were the exact words i said when he was leaving me and right now it's his turn.

"I won't"

'Idiot, Idiot! Such an idiot Wyett Audelia! When you were begging people not to leave you, no one looked back!! no one listened! but when they are the one who shouts, who cry for help! you always, f.u.c.king always run for them'

I wanted to shout, to vent  everything out but i couldn't find my voice.

So in the end, i shoved his hand away.

How come it end up like this? I'm here because i want to end everything.  I'm here to let go of my pain, my regrets, and my ache before i leave because i want to stop this suffering. Yet...

Two steps..

I made a two steps when i felt his embrace envelope my whole body once again.

This is getting complicated.

"Wyett" he called my name.

I shut my eyes furiously.

I admit, i mised his touch, i missed his presence, but wanting for more is not right.

"I'm sorry"  He whispered

That end all of it. I burst out crying.

"Why! why are you saying sorry!! sorry for leaving me?! sorry for making me miserable?! sorry for not choosing me?! sorry for giving me hope but destroy it like it's nothing?! why!" Shouting furiously, punching his chest and he's not stopping me. Good, because this physical pain from me is nothing compare to the pain he inflicted in my soul!.

My tears kept pouring, my cry  echoed like a siren.

"ANSWER ME ZACHARY!"

Is why already enough? With all your doubts and questions, Wyett, is that all you can shout?

"I'm sorry" he repeated and i shook my head.

I don't need his sorry, im not asking for it, i want answers.

Just like how band aids don't fix bullet holes, sorry fix nothing at all.

"She left me Wyett, She left me" He choked, his crisp voice shuttered.

My heart got smashed once again.

I laughed. f.u.c.k him.

This time with my ranging eyes i stared at him, his eyes were once dark, his, once screamed arrogance but right now he's a lost kid, but nothing will change, I AM MAD.

"Let go" pertaining to his hands but im actually wanting him to let go of her and look at me.

"Don't go" He pleaded as he nuzzled his head even more on my neck.

He inhaled and exhaled nervously.

"I'll be cleaning the mess, Zach"  my voice was soft, like everything seems fine, like after crying im already fine.

Yet the outside contradict the inside.

His brace loosen.

"Sleep" i look at him in the eye, trying my best to look okay, like i wasn't hurting at all.

He nodded, after that, i turn away.

The moment i closed the door behind me i broke down.

Like a dying candle falling on the ground. I did everything i could to stop my whimpers, putting both my palm on my mouth to stop the sound from coming out..

Reality strikes, no matter what i do, it's still not me.

Once again, I  am the woman who will always stay by his side but get left behind when not needed anymore.

How can love be this cruel?