Ascenders: Rising From Zero 32 Regrets

What he was racing towards he was not sure? What did he expect? That the whole pack be there to wuff him welcome?

He wasn't sure.

But somethings were worth hoping for. Somethings required the tiniest bit, pint or drop of faith to finally work.

Thomas Edison, that man, how many times had he failed...

About 90 times?

Bayo sighed, unsure of the actual record but what he knew was Thomas had kept on regardless.

For him to have continued, trying, trying and trying... Certainly, there would have been people who would have discouraged him, yes, even though the records did not expressly say so.

But Thomas continued amidst the discouragement, mockery.

Amidst everything that told him to give up. That genius continued and finally, the universe smiled at him, Breathing life to his invention.

As Bayo trudged on, he knew deep down within that he was not any different. Maybe he was not that much of a genius.

Heck, he wasn't even a genius. But he could feel the despair that Thomas must have felt. He could also feel the spark of hope that Thomas felt that kept him pus.h.i.+ng and pus.h.i.+ng.

Even though the universe was currently mocking him as his senses told him there was nothing back there. After all, he had seen the ma.s.sacre of the dragon.

So what gave him the rights to think he would find something or anything back there?

Absolutely nothing!

BDUM, BDUM...

Bayo's heart beat in tense antic.i.p.ation as he drew closer to the cave where they had lodged in.

BDUM, BDUM...

He squinted, momentarily pausing with a raised frontal paw.

What in the world was going on?

Usually, he would have seen dogs around, shuffling about the cave doing whatnot.

But now, all that greeted him was eerie silence. The type that chilled him to the bones.

Was there really no dog there?

No... NO... NO...

With heart in his jaws, he mustered courage, moving his trembling body. As his muscles stretched and contracted to aid his movement, he felt a restriction in his soul holding him back from going there.

'Nothing is there, Bayo. It's over.' The voice whispered, freezing him once more.

'Let's go back and know what to do. We got only ourselves now.' The voice sounded again.

'No point going there... ' The voice cried out louder.

'Don't be silly. Those people might just be waiting for you there.' Bayo's heart did a triple beat.

NO... Thomas Edison didn't just give up. No way was he giving up now.

Almost there, he said, tearing through the resistance he felt within his soul as he raced to the cave.

Instinctively, he howled, alerting the other dogs to his position.

But all he got was silence.

Usually, he'd receive confirmation howls or barks but nothing. Straining his ears, he heard a low whimpering sound coming from the cave.

Quickly he darted into the cave, his eyes adjusting to the dark interior.

BDUM, BDUM...

Strewn on the cave floors where just one dog, lying on its side, whimpering to death. Besides it were about three more dogs, each one caught up into the cold abyss of death, motionless.

No, No...

It was all his fault.

His fault.

His fault. He shouldn't have howled.

No, not that...

He should have stayed with pack after the hunting but he stupidly had to go away. Why wasn't he just content with the bear meal?

Why?

'You should have stayed. You are not worth being the Alpha.' The voice came back, sounding reproachful.

Bayo snuggled his muzzle against the neck of the whimpering dog. In response, the dog raised a weakly paw towards his head, patting it lightly. She was the alpha b.i.t.c.h in the pack that had always doted on him after he displaced the previous alpha.

'It's your fault. Always going after your own selfish interests.' The voice taunted.

Some how, the b.i.t.c.h would sense when he was thinking about his past and snuggle her neck into his, comforting him.

Initially, he had been frightened about it, seeing that as an Alpha he was also obligated to mate with her.

That part scared him a lot. And so, he had always pushed the b.i.t.c.h away.

And always, she would somehow know when he was lost in thoughts of home and snuggle close to him.

'That was why you got killed on Earth because you only though about your self.'

But now that he thought of it, he realized that her presence had mostly helped him to regain his sanity. Regardless whether he was dog or not, she had helped him and what had he done...

Lead her doggies into death.

'Selfis.h.!.+'

'Useless.'

'Non-ent.i.ty.'

'Got a position of authority but your stupidity came to play.'

'You can never amount to anything.'

'Stupid!'

'Useless.'

'Non-ent.i.ty.'

The She-dog's paw dropped from his head as it went lifeless. Bayo lifted his head, his eyes watering with tears.

He wanted to die.

He was not worth this second life. He didn't deserve it.

He was a non-ent.i.ty. An idiot. A selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

Yes, did he steal his mother's money to satisfy his relations.h.i.+p.

'You selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d, Bayo.' Bayo whimpered.

Pawing quickly, he raced up to the wall of the cave, slamming his head into it.

THWAK!

The pain resonated through his entire frame, stunning him as he fell into a heap.

Drawing ragged breaths, he raised his frontal limbs and began clawing on his face, dripping lines of his life essence.

He wasn't worth it.

No, not at all.

Hopeless case. Useless.

After a while, the pain from the head slam resided a bit and he rose to his wobbly feet. And then, he ran again, slamming head first into the cave walls.

THWAK!

He spun around dazed as his limbs gave way.

'You imbecile. Every bad thing that happened Is because of you.' Bayo groaned.

Since he found the pack, he had come to love them as the closest thing he could have to family. He as the alpha learnt how to note every thing that went on with the pack, endearing the dogs to him even closer.

But yet, he did nothing when the dragon began the ma.s.sacre.

What was he doing? Self preservation?

But what was the pack without the dogs or the dogs without the pack?

Nothing!

'I regret my very existence. I should have never been born in the first place.'

Thinking back, his thoughts focused on his mother.

'Mother... I'm sorry.' He apologized to the air.

The pain the woman would be going through now because of him.

He was stupid, selfish, only caring about himself alone.

That was why he had always hid away whenever his father began battering his mother.

Maybe if he had stood up once for her but no, he was scared that the beating would transcend on him instead.

Stupid!

He was all shades of wrong, a biological mistake. Bayo closed his eyes as streams of tears streamed down his snout.

Money had always being an issue for his mother and yet he kept stealing it to satisfy his girlfriend. Just so that, he could have a relations.h.i.+p.

Perhaps if he had even put the money into something more thoughtful, he might have been able to make something to help his mother.

But No, he was only thinking of himself.

'I am not worth living. I regret my being alive.' He growled, clawing his face.

He snorted, watching the cave wall. He couldn't bring himself to slam his head into oblivion.

So For now, he would grieve and get out later to put himself in harm's way for death to take him once again.

He...He missed the pack.

All of them!

You never know what you have until you lose it. For the first time in a long time, the cave felt empty, fear creeping in reminding him that he was nothing again.

'Bayo.?'Yasmin's voice was calculating.

'We all have our regrets in life. Things we wished we had done. Steps we wish we had taken. Goals we wished we had attempted.

I understand perfectly that you are worn down but you need to realize that with life, there's hope.

As long as you live, you have just a little more time to right the wrongs. You have a little more chance to make sure you don't ever have to regret over anything again.

It's ok to feel down but it's never okay to lose yourself. Because when you do so, you have lost the chance to allow others learn from your story.when you do so, you have missed the chance to ever be happy...

When you regret the past, it's okay because you are mourning the loss of your past chances. But it's never okay for you to lose your future too.

Because true failure is when you lose out on the past and yet again, lose out on the future.

So I ask you, how many losses do you want to count?

Loss of the past alone or both?'

Yasmin consoled, becoming silent once more. At that, Bayo close his eyes, sighing. Upon opening them, his eyes were filledwith strange light.

Now he understood. Making some mistakes didn't necessarily mean you were useless or worth nothing.

It only meant you were learning, adapting and gathering experience so that your future be much better.

Rising up, Bayo heaved.

He knew what he had to do. It was all there before him, he just didn't see.

He would become strong, powerful enough to live by his own ideals. He would become a force to reckon with so that he would be truly capable of protecting those who he really loved.

Yes, that was what he had to do.

He trudged out of the cave, gazing at the evening lit sky.

Taking one look at the dead she-alpha, he wheezed. Throwing his gaze upwards now, he knew he loved them.

And yes, he would do it for the love.

Get stronger to really protect those he loved.

"Yes, do it for the love." An exotic feminine voice cut through the air.

Startled, Bayo looked in the direction of the voice, seeing the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, walk to him.

She wore a flowing wine-reddish gown with a shawl cape sort of accentuated by gold bangles that held the tips of the shawl at her wrists. Her neck adorned with a palate of gold encrusted with diamond jewels, bringing a sparkling l.u.s.ter to her yet brown but rich skin.

"I did it for the love too." She added, a twinkle sparkling in her brilliant white teeth.