Wild Oats Part 13

_Sir Geo._ No, no, John's honest; I see through it now. The puppy has seen her, perhaps he has the impudence not to like her, and so blows up this confusion and perplexity only to break off a marriage that I've set my heart on.

_Harry._ What does he mean? Sir, I'll a.s.sure you--

_Sir Geo._ d.a.m.n your a.s.surance, you disobedient, ungrateful--I'll not part with you till I confront you with Lady Amaranth herself, face to face, and if I prove you've been deceiving me, I'll launch you into the wide ocean of life without rudder, compa.s.s, grog, or tobacco.

[_Exeunt._

ACT THE FOURTH.

SCENE I.

LADY AMARANTH'S _House_.

_Enter_ LADY AMARANTH, _reading_.

_Lady Am._ The fanciful flights of my pleasant cousin enchant my senses. This book he gave me to read containeth good moral. The man Shakspeare, that did write it, they call immortal; he must indeed have been filled with a divine spirit. I understand, from my cousin, the origin of plays were religious mysteries; that, freed from the superst.i.tion of early, and the grossness of latter, ages, the stage is now the vehicle of delight and morality. If so, to hear a good play, is taking the wholesome draught of precept from a golden cup, embossed with gems; yet, my giving countenance to have one in my house, and even to act in it myself, prove the ascendancy, that my dear Harry hath over my heart--Ephraim Smooth is much scandalized at these doings.

_Enter_ EPHRAIM.

_Eph._ This mansion is now the tabernacle of Baal.

_Lady Am._ Then abide not in it.

_Eph._ 'Tis full of the wicked ones.

_Lady Am._ Stay not amongst the wicked ones. [_Loud laughing without._

_Eph._ I must shut mine ears.

_Lady Am._ And thy mouth also, good Ephraim. I have bidden my cousin Henry to my house, and I will not set bounds to his mirth to gratify thy spleen, and show mine own inhospitality.

_Eph._ Why dost thou suffer him to put into the hands of thy servants books of tragedies, and books of comedies, prelude, interlude, yea, all lewd. My spirit doth wax wrath. I say unto thee a playhouse is the school for the old dragon, and a playbook the primer of Belzebub.

_Lady Am._ This is one; mark! [_Reads._] "Not the king's crown, nor the deputed sword, the marshal's truncheon, nor the judge's robe, become them with one half so good a grace as mercy doth. Oh, think on that, and mercy then will breathe within your lips like man new made!"--Doth Belzebub speak such words?

_Eph._ Thy kinsman has made all the servants actors.

_Lady Am._ To act well is good service.

_Eph._ Here cometh the damsel for whom my heart yearneth.

_Enter_ JANE, _reading a paper joyfully_.

_Jane._ Oh, ma'am, his honour the 'squire says the play's to be "As you like it."

_Eph._ I like it not.

_Jane._ He's given me my character. I'm to be Miss Audrey, and brother Sim's to be William of the forest, as it were. But how am I to get my part by heart?

_Lady Am._ By often reading it.

_Jane._ Well, I don't know but that's as good as any other. But I must study my part. "The G.o.ds give us joy." [_Exit._

_Eph._ Thy maidens skip like young kids.

_Lady Am._ Then do thou go skip with them.

_Eph._ Mary, thou shou'd'st be obey'd in thine own house, and I will do thy bidding.

_Lady Am._ Ah, thou hypocrite! To obey is easy when the heart commands.

_Enter_ ROVER, _pus.h.i.+ng by_ EPHRAIM.

_Rover._ Oh, my charming cousin, how agree you and Rosalind? Are you almost perfect? "Eh, what, all a-mort, old Clytus?" "Why, you're like an angry fiend broke in among the laughing G.o.ds."--Come, come, I'll have nothing here, but "Quips and cranks, and wreathed smiles, such as dwell on Hebe's cheek." [_Looking at_ LADY AMARANTH.

_Lady Am._ He says we mustn't have this amus.e.m.e.nt.

_Rover._ "But I'm a voice potential, double as the Duke's, and I say we must."

_Eph._ Nay.

_Rover._ Yea: "By Jupiter, I swear, aye." [_Music without._

_Eph._ I must shut my ears. The man of sin rubbeth the hair of the horse to the bowels of the cat.

_Enter_ LAMP, _with a Violin_.

_Lamp._ Now, if agreeable to your ladys.h.i.+p, we'll go over your song.

_Eph._ I will go over it.

[_s.n.a.t.c.hes the book from_ LADY AMARANTH, _throws it on the ground, and steps on it_.

_Rover._ Trample on Shakspeare! "You sacrilegious thief, that, from a shelf the precious diadem stole, and put it in thy pocket!" [_Takes up the book and presents it again to_ LADY AMARANTH.] Silence, "thou owl of Crete," and hear the "Cuckoo's song."

_Lady Am._ To practise it I'm content.

[LAMP _begins to play_. EPHRAIM _jostles him, and puts him out of tune_.

_Lamp._ Why, what's that for, my dear sir?

_Eph._ Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I've as much right to move my elbow as thou hast to move thine. [ROVER _pushes him_.] Why dost thou so friend?

_Rover._ Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I have as much right to move my elbow, as thou hast to move thine. [_Mimicking, shoves_ EPHRAIM _out_.