Jokes Book Collection Part V Part 4

Mirror, Mirror.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.

"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

Adam & Eve.

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.

"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.

"Adam."

"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.

"Where did Adam and Eve live?"

" Eden."

"That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."

"Enter."

Think You Are Good At Mathematics.

Think You Are Good At Mathematics?

Qusetion : If at present the mother is 21 years older than her son. After 6 years, the age of the mother will be 5 times the age of the son. Where is the father now?

Solution : Today : Say, the son is X years old and the mother is Y years old; The difference in their age is 21 as of today.

Y-X = 21 X+21 = Y In 6 years : 5(X+6)=Y+6 5X+30 = X+21+6 4X = -3 X = -3/4 The son is -3/4 years old. That means -9 months.

AND SO, THE FATHER IS ON TOP OF HER!!!

Whales.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. "Whales can't swallow people," the teacher said. "Even though they are large mammals, their throats are very small."

"But Jonah was swallowed by a whale," the little girl replied.

"That just can't be," the teacher said. "It's physically impossible."

"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah," said the little girl.

The teacher looked down at her, smiled and asked, "What if Jonah went to h.e.l.l?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Lawyers Compet.i.tion.

Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. "So what did you think?" he asks.

"Ahh," replies the first lawyer, "my wife is better."

Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary.

"So," asks the first guy, "what did you think?"

The second guy replies, "You were right."

Fart Bombing.

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun.

They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off. "What's so funny?" they asked him.

"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."

Big Ones.

A young boy had been taken for his first visit to a nudist camp by his parents. He was surprised at the different sizes of the male organs and mentioned it to his father. The father, being rather well endowed, explained that it was a measure of intelligence, the big ones being smart and the small ones being dumb. That afternoon the father was looking for his wife and asked his son if he had seen his mother.

"I saw her about ten minutes ago, She was with a real dumb man, but he seemed to be getting smarter all the time."

5 Reasons Y Computers Must Be Female.

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Have A Lemon.

There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad pa.s.sionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a gla.s.s and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

Urinate.

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her cla.s.s. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "Okay cla.s.s, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."

Sarah said, Cows have spots.

Terrence said, "Baseball is a sport."

Carla said, "Computers are electronic."

Bobby said, "Urinate."

Mrs. Flebs said, "Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence."

Bobby said, "Not 'urinate', it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger knocks you'd be a ten."

Daddy, What Is s.e.x.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.

"Daddy, what is s.e.x?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

"Why did you ask that question, honey?"

"Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.

Number Code.

Santa and Banta were sitting in a hotel and started chatting. Santa tells a number and Banta laughs, then Banta tells a number then Santa laughs. This practice continued for a long time when a waiter saw this and reported to the manager. The manager notices them for a while and then asks them the reason for their joy. To which Santa and Banta reply together "We remember a large no. of jokes. But due to shortage of time we do not tell in detail and just tell the said number of the joke. The other one remember the joke by number and laughs".

The Panda.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"