Jokes Book Collection Part Vii Part 14

Finis.h.i.+ng the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

Globalisation!!!!

Question : What is the height of Globalization?

Answer : Princess Diana's death Question : How come?

Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on j.a.panese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian machines! And this is sent to you by a Indian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole from the j.a.panese. And you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Taiwanese-made chips, and Korean made monitors, a.s.sembled by Banglades.h.i.+ workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Pakistani and finally sold to you by Chinamen!

GLOBALIZATION.

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three b.a.l.l.s to his room.

When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:

Golf: $1.00 Dinner: $1.00 Room: $1.00 Sleeve of golf b.a.l.l.s: $3,000.00 Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf b.a.l.l.s?"

I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf b.a.l.l.s cost."

"Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

"That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the b.a.l.l.s!"

Four ladies were having coffee one afternoon.The first women tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him father."

The second woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'your grace.'"

The third lady says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women prod her with a subtle, '"Well??"

So she replies, "My son is 6'2. He has broad, square shoulders. Terribly handsome. Tight muscular body. Hard buns and a very nice bulge. He is also a male dancer at a female strip club and whenever he walks into a room...women gasp, 'OH MY LORD!'

There was this Asian woman married to an Englishman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to thebutcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation,lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Again, she didn't know what to say, and so she unb.u.t.toned her blouse to show the butcher her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

She brought her husband to the store...

(please scroll down the page).

What were you thinking? (scroll further).

h.e.l.lOOOOOO, her husband speaksEnglis.h.!.+ :-).

There was this Asian woman married to an Englishman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to thebutcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation,lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Again, she didn't know what to say, and so she unb.u.t.toned her blouse to show the butcher her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

She brought her husband to the store...

(please scroll down the page).

What were you thinking? (scroll further).

h.e.l.lOOOOOO, her husband speaksEnglis.h.!.+ :-).

The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about s.e.x. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, s.e.x tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have s.e.x maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year...maybe on your anniversary. The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral s.e.x now."

"What's oral s.e.x?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw You', and I holler back, 'Screw You too!'"

Two Singh brothers meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "if in case you guess right, I'll give you both of them."

The other Singh scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

Why its great to be a guy...

- Your a.s.s is never a factor in a job interview - Your last name stays put.

- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

- You can be president.

- You can wear a white s.h.i.+rt to a water park.

- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

- You don't give a rat's a.s.s if someone notices your new haircut.

- Same work... more pay.

- Wrinkles add character - You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

- Movie nudity is virtually always female.

- All your o.r.g.a.s.ms are real.

- You don't have to shave below your neck.

- One mood, all the time.

- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

Indian Software Engg.

There is this Barber in some city in US.One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.

An Indian Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there???????????

scroll down!!

still couldnt make it?