Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 22

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank G.o.d you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down...

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The Panda yells back to the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for "panda: A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Martin has just received his brand new driver's license.

The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front pa.s.senger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes Dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere

** On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband fixed."

** Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

** At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

** At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

** In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will a.s.sume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

** On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

** At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

** On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

** In a veterinarian's waiting room : "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

** At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

** In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

A s.h.i.+p sank in high seas and the following people > > > got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in > the > > middle of nowhere: > > > > > > A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman > > > B. 2 French men and 1 French woman > > > C. 2 German men and 1 German woman > > > D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman > > > E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman > > > F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman > > > G. 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman > > > H. 2 American men and 1 American woman > > > I. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman > > > > > > One month later, on various parts of the island, > > the following > > > was observed: > > > > > > A. One Italian man killed the other Italian > > man for the > > > italian woman.

> > > > > > B. The two French men and the French woman > > are living > > > happily together.

> > > > > > C. The two German men have a strict weekly > > schedule of > > > when they alternate with the German > > woman.

> > > > > > D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, > > andthe Greek > > > woman is cooking & cleaning for them.

> > > > > > E. The two Polish men took a long look at > the > > endless > > > ocean and a long look at the Polish > > woman, and they started > > > swimming.

> > > > > > F. The two Mexican men are talking to all > the > > other men > > > on the island trying to sell them the > > Mexican woman.

> > > > > > G. The two Irish men began by dividing up > > theirpart of > > > the island into northern & Southern > > parts, and by setting up > > > > > adistillery. They don't > > > remember the Irish woman because it > gets > > sort of foggy after > > the > > > first > > > few liters of coconut whiskey; but at > > least the english are > > not > > > getting any.

> > > > > > H. The two American men are > > contemplatingsuicide. The > > > American woman is going on about her > > body being her own, the > > > > > true nature of feminism, how she can do > everything > > that they can do, > > the > > equal division > > > of the household ch.o.r.es.......

> > > > > > I. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for > > someone to introduce > > them > > to the Indian woman.

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?

SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.

SM: It is not working.

SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.Sister Mathematical arrivesat the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived.Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank G.o.d you are here! Tell us what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us so he followed me.

SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.

SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as Icould.

SM: So what happened?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And what else?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.

SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

to know what happened scroll down and see............

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down. Oh, and all of you thought it was dirty...

For those who have worked with UNIX, you've no doubt seen the various lists of "funny" responses from unix when you misenter "appropriate"mistakes...

here is yet another such list.

% cat "food in cans"

cat: can't open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman.

% rm G.o.d rm: G.o.d nonexistent

% ar t G.o.d ar: G.o.d does not exist