Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 23

% ar r G.o.d ar: creating G.o.d

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?

Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

Missing ].

% ^How did the s.e.x change operation go?

^ Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?

Too many ('s.

% make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me bad character

% got a light?

No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?

man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?

Bad subst.i.tute.

/* not csh but sh */ $ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending!

$ drink bottle: cannot open opener: not found.

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her cla.s.s.

It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "Okay cla.s.s, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."

Sarah said, Cows have spots.

Terrence said, "Baseball is a sport."

Carla said, "Computers are electronic."

Bobby said, "Urinate."

Mrs. Flebs said, "Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence."

Bobby said, "Not 'urinate', it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger knocks you'd be a ten."

Vajpayee and Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.

The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. There Musharraf showed him Pakistan's modern Telecommunication systems. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to Rajiv Gandhi in h.e.l.l and talked to him for 5 minutes !

The bill for the call came to only Re.1.

When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Musharraf came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in h.e.l.l for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs.500!

Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to h.e.l.l so costly in India ?" A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - From Pakistan to h.e.l.l, it is a local call, Sir, while from India it is long distance!".

Subject: conversation btn PM Vajpayee and Gen Musharraf....

Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 10:23:42 +0800

conversation btn PM Vajpayee and Gen Musharraf....

Enjoy the conversation btn PM Vajpayee and Gen Musharraf....

General Pervez Musharaff : I am coming to visit u, and will change History.

Prime Minister Vajpayee : U r welcome to change history. But, 'not' Geography.

Vajpayee and Musharraf meet up in Islamabad for talks on nuclear arms.

When Vajpayee sits down he notices Musharraf 's chair has three b.u.t.tons on the armrest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses a b.u.t.ton and a boxing gloves pops out of Vajpayee chair and bashes him on his face.

Vajpayee, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few minutes Musharraf presses a second b.u.t.ton and out comes a large boot and kicks him. Vajpayee is kicked off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume the talk, but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses the final b.u.t.ton, and from under the table another boxing glove hits Vajpayee. The Indian PM is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. We'll continue this talk Next week in the New Delhi"

says the Prime Minister.Musharraf, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so. The appointment stands.

A week later Vajpayee receives Musharraf in the Prime Minister's Office,and as Musharraf sits down, he sees three b.u.t.tons in the arm-rest of Vajpayees chair.

As the 20 min meeting goes on, Musharraf sees Vajpayee press the first b.u.t.ton, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This doesn't stop Vajpayee from laughing... really loudly.

After this, Indian PM continues where he left off, until he presses another b.u.t.ton.

Musharraf reacts really quickly, and jumps up.

Absolutely nothing happens, and this time Vajpayee falls out of his chair laughing.

Musharraf doesn 't get it - what the h.e.l.l is happening here?

But he hasn 't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further.

After A few minutes Indian PM presses the final b.u.t.ton. This time, Musharraf stays sitting, but Vajpayee isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing. Musharraf is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Pakistan

Vajpayee: (Through tears of laughter from the floor)

" PAKISTAN?? WHAT PAKISTAN??? DO YOU THINK IT'S STILL THERE??"

Power corrupts, but absolute power is really neat.

-- Ex-Navy Secretary John Lehman

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

-- "A Bit of Fry and Laurie"

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

-- Oscar Wilde

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

-- A. Whitney Brown.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

-- William James.