Jokes Book Collection Part Ix Part 64

"Yes, she told me it was nothing." "Well, That's true. That's nothing for your mother."

What are you doing?

Little Johnny is bored all day, hanging around the house. He goes into his parents room and finds them having s.e.x.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asks. "Uh, well, we're dancing." replies his mother. "What's daddy doing?" "He's my partner, now run along."

A few nights later, Johnny goes into his sisters room and catches her having s.e.x with her boyfriend.

"What are you doing?" "Ummm, dancing." "What's your boyfriend doing?" "He's my partner, now get out of here!"

Then Thanksgiving came around and Johnny's relatives were at his house.

Johnny went into the bathroom and saw his grandfather beating his meat.

"What are you doing?" Johnny once again asks.

"Why I'm dancing." said his grandfather.

"Well, where is your partner?"

His grandfather replied, "When you've danced as long as I have, you don't need a partner."

Whatcha Doin Daddy?

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some.

Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?"

Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his d.i.c.k and starts looking at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says.

Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, f.u.c.k it?"

Wojak the Pole.

Wojak the Pole went to a doctor complaining that he had lost his s.e.x urge.

After an examination the doctor told him: "There's really nothing wrong - you're just a bit unfit. Take up jogging. Jog 10 miles a day for 10 days, then come and see me again"

Ten days later the doctor received a call from Wojak.

"How's the s.e.x urge now?" he asked.

"I haven't had the chance to find out" said Wojak " I'm a 100 miles away from my s.e.xy wife"

25 inch p.e.n.i.s.

A man with a 25-inch long p.e.n.i.s goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have s.e.x with him. They all tell him that his p.e.n.i.s is too long. "Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you out." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my p.e.n.i.s is 25-inches long and I can't get any women to have s.e.x with me. Can you help me shorten it?"

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond, you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your proposal, your p.e.n.i.s will be five inches shorter."

The man's face lights up and he dashes off into the forest. He calls out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looks at him dejectedly and replies, "NO!"

The man looks down and suddenly his p.e.n.i.s is 5 inches shorter. "Wow," he screams out loud, "This is great!!" But he is still too long at 20 inches, so he asks the frog again." "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouts.

The frog rolls its eyes back in its head and screams back, "NO!"

The man feels another twitch in his p.e.n.i.s, looks down, and it's another 5 inches shorter. The man laughs, "This is fantastic." He looks down at his p.e.n.i.s again, 15 inches long, and reflects for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looks across the pond and yells out, "Frog, will you marry me?"

The frog looks back across pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, and for the last time, NO!"

25 Years Ago.

"HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room.

She asked me if there was anything I wanted.

I said, "No, everything is fine."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure," I said.

"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.

"I reckon not," I replied.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

A concerned Patient.

A concerned patient asked the doctor if masturbation is harmful.

"Not usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."

"How about three times a day?" the patient asked.

"That seems a little excessive. Why don't you get a girlfriend?"

"Oh,... I already have a girlfriend," the patient replied.

"I mean a girl you can live with and have s.e.x with?" asked the doctor.

The patient said, "I've got one just like that!"

So the doctor asked, "Then why do you m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e three times a day?"

"Because,... she won't have s.e.x during meal times!"

Aids or Alzheimer.