Unleashing The Power Of Rubber Bands Part 9

As you've no doubt figured out by now, one of the mentors I have been blessed with is Max DePree. For many years, Max was the CEO of Herman Miller, which was voted one of the top fifty companies in the country at which to work. Max has taught me so so many things about leaders.h.i.+p, and this was one of the first. many things about leaders.h.i.+p, and this was one of the first.

Max described a time when he and a handful of other CEOs had gathered for a meeting. During one of the breaks, the talk turned to what CEOs should do when they receive an anonymous e-mail or letter that is critical of their leaders.h.i.+p. To a person, the response around the table was a proud and dismissive "throw it away."

I'll never forget Max's silence. Sort of the preview to an alternative perspective. He listened for a while and then spoke. "I read every one of them. I consider if there might be some truth in them. I think the fact that the complaints are anonymous, while not the best method of communication, is a completely different issue than whether or not part or all of what they are saying is legitimate."

That got everyone's attention. What kind of humility and courage was at the core of a man who could graciously and authentically respond that way? The admiration around the circle was evident.

Even anonymous conflict is worth considering as a possible catalyst for growth and change. I figure if G.o.d can speak to Balaam through the mouth of an a.s.s, he can speak to me through anyone.

I vividly remember an Axis meeting that was filled with very uncomfortable conflict. We had been working on our spring retreat for about six months. In addition to our weekend services, our home groups, and our serving opportunities, our spring retreat was one of the most strategic events we had.

Nearly half of the Axis community would attend these three days in Wisconsin (hey, in the Midwest your choices are limited)-a great combination of leaders.h.i.+p, core attendees, and people new to the Axis community. We worked hard to build deeply into all three groups.

Typically the leaders arrived on Friday evening to partic.i.p.ate in activities planned just for them. We provided a great meal with a lot of storytelling and vision. We provided training on specific leaders.h.i.+p skills and communicated what each person's role would be for the next two days, toward both our regular and new retreat attendees.

Sat.u.r.day and Sunday would then be filled with icebreakers, teaching, singing, small-group time, videos, and highlights of the best of Axis. Every year, this retreat was one of the most important and defining things we did.

So on the Tuesday before the retreat, our Axis team met to go over final details of the retreat. I started the meeting by talking through the first three or four things our leaders would experience when they arrived, and the importance of each one of them. Then, using those as the framework for our discussion, I turned to our director of operations and said, "Fred (you know that's not his name), how are the final plans for those first few elements?"

This was not a trick question. We had been working on this three-day event for six months. Fred and I, both in team meetings and in one-on-ones, had had these discussions. This was just supposed to be the final run-through before the retreat.

But Fred said, "Uh, you know what? Those things aren't in place yet."

Knowing I had misunderstood what I thought I'd heard-I thought thought I had heard him say, "Those things aren'tin place yet"-I asked him to repeat himself. I had heard him say, "Those things aren'tin place yet"-I asked him to repeat himself.

Sure enough, I had heard him correctly the first time. Did I mention that the retreat was three days away and andthat we had been working on it for six months? Or at least I thought so.

In a rare moment of maturity, I knew that if I allowed myself to go with my immediate reaction, well, you know. So I looked around to see if I was going to get any help from anyone else on the team. Didn't look like it. They were all looking at the ground and s.h.i.+fting nervously. Up to this point, I was still the main person holding people accountable, which really means we were not yet functioning as a cohesive team. We had not yet arrived at that peer-to-peer accountability that defines a team.

So I took a deep breath and asked Fred to leave the meeting for twenty minutes. I looked at my watch and gave him a time to return. He slowly got up and walked away. I looked at my team, waiting for someone, anyone, to make eye contact with me. When a couple of them did, I asked, "So how do you guys feel about what just happened?"

At this point I know a lot of people who would say I shouldn't have sent Fred away. I shouldn't have asked the team to talk about it. I should have taken care of it just between Fred and me. But I also know that a lot of people would completely agree that what I was doing was holding someone accountable for doing the job he was being paid-with t.i.the dollars-to do.

It's a mistake to take care of conflicts in a one-on-one when the infraction is at the level of team, a mistake that keeps teams dysfunctional. Over the previous six months, Fred had repeatedly a.s.sured us that these things were being taken care of, so there was the issue of truth to deal with as well. So many issues in that one response.

But when I asked the team how they felt about what had just happened, the only response I got was a quiet muttering of understanding. A mumbling acknowledgment that the situation was unfortunate, but not much beyond that. So I put it another way.

"How many of you got everything done for the retreat that was your responsibility?"

Every hand went up. I knew they would.

"How many of you were thinking that between now and the retreat on Friday, you could work your usual schedule, going home on time?"

They could see where this was going. When it dawned on them that Fred's malpractice was going to cost them, the conversation began in earnest. Some expressed their frustration, as well as anger that they had been lied to for months.

When twenty minutes had pa.s.sed, Fred returned to adifferent team. One by one, we went around the circle and addressed Fred, looking him in the eye as we spoke. Each team member registered the frustration and anger we were all experiencing. It was awkward and uncomfortable, for sure. It would have been so nice if we could have avoided it, but the cost would have been too great.

But here's what really made me proud and hopeful: To a person, each team member finished his or her complaint by taking a slice of Fred's work and promising to work with him to make sure it got done by Friday. They expressed their dissatisfaction, but they also covered his back; they pitched in, in spite of the way he had s.h.i.+rked his duties, and they made sure the work got done.

By the end of the meeting, we had moved from being concerned only about our own areas of responsibility to living in the big picture together. We moved from wanting to avoid difficult issues to really dealing with them. And though we probably emerged a bit bruised, it was nothing that couldn't be healed. And actually, in the end, our team was healed in a way that made it stronger than it was before.

Not long ago I was working with a leader who had just taken over at the helm of a medium-size organization. The company had been led by the previous leader for close to twenty years, and although it was doing well in manyareas, the executive team was clearly conflict averse. Officepolitics drained precious energy away from the vision, and team meetings, while efficient, clearly lacked effectiveness and energy.

About the third month into his tenure, the new leader felt he had made enough observations to get an accurate picture of what was going on, and he had gained enough trust relationally to make his move. It was a simple but effective one.

He came to the next executive team meeting and placed a soft, cuddly, gray elephant in the middle of the circle. As everyone came into the room for the meeting, they saw it sitting there, but the leader made no reference to it as he began the meeting. He watched as eyes darted toward the stuffed animal, and then around the room to see who else was noticing this unintroduced visitor. But he kept going, plowing through agenda item after agenda item.

Finally, after a bit of nervous laughter, one of the guys on the team said, "Hey, what's the deal with the elephant?" And there began a discussion about pachyderms, and how this organization had acc.u.mulated them with its culture of conflict avoidance. Wisely, the leader started by admitting to the many times he personally had chosen avoidance over direct conversation. He talked about the fears that caused this, and the kind of corrosive culture that such avoidance could create over the years.

He talked about his deep desire to lead differently, and asked for their help. And while this first meeting was not the last they would have on this topic, they spent a long time that day painfully, slowly, and carefully naming some of the elephants they had lived with for years. It was amazing how healing it was just to name them.

They were all clear eyed in their a.s.sessment that this would take a long time to overcome; they had gotten so used to operating this way. It's a lot easier to clean up after an elephant when you know where it is.

But that stuffed animal got them started, and got them talking, and got them wanting to be different. They kept that little guy around for years. Every so often, someone in a meeting would announce that they were "doing it again," so out came the elephant from his home on a shelf, and he was plopped right down in the middle of that team. And everyone knew it was time to talk turkey.

Eventually, that elephant was so worn, his stuffing began falling out. By that time, the team was a different team.

Promises.

FOR THOSE OF US who are over thirty, part of the reason we areleaders is that we had people in our lives who were committed to our growth. Someone took the time to develop us. Someone-most likely more than one person-played a significant role in recognizing our gifts and potential, sanding off some of our rough edges, offering us challenging tasks, and then walking beside and behind us while we attempted them. who are over thirty, part of the reason we areleaders is that we had people in our lives who were committed to our growth. Someone took the time to develop us. Someone-most likely more than one person-played a significant role in recognizing our gifts and potential, sanding off some of our rough edges, offering us challenging tasks, and then walking beside and behind us while we attempted them.

Most leaders can easily name the people who developed them. And while leaders.h.i.+p is never as simple as the sum of those who built it into us, I owe a large part of who I am as a leader to Jamie Barr, Stan and Donna Leonard, Judy Burton, Bill Hybels, Nancy Beach, Max DePree, Allen Phipps, Patrick Lencioni, Jeff Gibson, and Amy Hiett.

Now it's our turn to give to others what has been given to us. And that reciprocity in development grows us as well. It's good for the soul.

Sometimes the critical work of leaders.h.i.+p development gets lost in the clamor of the urgent, the crisis of the day, or the fuzziness of exactly how to do it. I hope this chapter will provide a sort of "forced focus" for you on this very important topic.

Leaders.h.i.+p development requires open eyes. Open eyes to see those in whom G.o.d has deposited the leaders.h.i.+p gift.

So what are we looking for? Andy Stanley once said that leaders always think they can do a better job than you are doing. So for starters, we are looking for someone like that. In a situation that might initially make us feel threatened or defensive, we allow the "aha" moments to occur. We never know when we might find a leader in the rough right in front of us-a shepherd in the field.

We need to keep our eyes open for leaders.h.i.+p qualities: energy, dissatisfaction, new ideas, mistakes, and perhaps even a bit of cynicism. These are the raw materials in the making of a leader, not the finished product. Leaders.h.i.+p de velopment does not necessarily start with strong leaders.h.i.+p qualities like disciples.h.i.+p, maturity, and wisdom. Those are the end products. We need to be looking for the drive without the experience, the vision before the patience, the energy minus the discipline. These are the building blocks, the clues that tell us there is a leader here, but so much still needs to be done.

Once, someone saw that in you. Now it's your turn.

Leaders have the best chance to flourish and grow when they are given opportunity, challenge, and relations.h.i.+p. These are the gifts you give to the young leaders in your organizations.

The promises that you make.

The promises that you keep.

Once, someone saw that in you.

Now it's your turn.

Opportunity. An underutilized leader is not a prettysight. G.o.d has wired leaders with ideas, energy, vision, and direction. But when a leader is unable to express these things,frustration and ineffectiveness are often the result. While there is a lot to be said for leaders-especially young ones-proving their character and commitment by filling an open spot, the best move will be to eventually line that leader up with responsibilities that are appropriate to his or her character, experience, and giftedness. And while character is An underutilized leader is not a prettysight. G.o.d has wired leaders with ideas, energy, vision, and direction. But when a leader is unable to express these things,frustration and ineffectiveness are often the result. While there is a lot to be said for leaders-especially young ones-proving their character and commitment by filling an open spot, the best move will be to eventually line that leader up with responsibilities that are appropriate to his or her character, experience, and giftedness. And while character is always always more important than giftedness, for the most part.i.t ought to be a "both/and" situation. . . . You shouldn'thave to choose. You have to work on both. more important than giftedness, for the most part.i.t ought to be a "both/and" situation. . . . You shouldn'thave to choose. You have to work on both.

Leaders need the opportunity to contribute what theydo best. Organizations and churches need leaders to do that as well. Giving leaders these opportunities communicates the confidence young leaders need to grow into their giftedness and character.

I was nineteen years old when Jamie Barr gave me significant leaders.h.i.+p and teaching roles within the high school ministry at our church. I was twenty-two years old when the hospital I worked at put me in charge of the med-surg wing on the third floor, east side. How old were you? Who invited you in, and to what?

I was underqualified and inexperienced when I was asked to be a teaching pastor and to lead two significant ministries in our last church. But along with those opportunities, I was given direction, coaching, follow-up, coaching, encouragement, and some more coaching. I grew into those roles. Leaders cannot become leaders without significant opportunities.

When I asked to "throw my hat into the ring" for the director position at Axis, I was told that I was not who they were looking for. "In fact," someone said, "you would position about number seventeen on a list of sixteen other candidates we are looking at. You would most definitely not make the final cut of three."

(Did I mention that the encouragement I received did not come until after after I was named the leader of Axis?) I was named the leader of Axis?) So, ten months and a nationwide search later, I got the job. Suddenly I was in charge of a large department that had been through some considerable difficulties. It was a complex responsibility, given its mission to make the church relevant to a generation who didn't grow up in church, as well as the fact that we focused on multiple areas: weekend services, wors.h.i.+p, preaching, home groups, leaders.h.i.+p, volunteers, serving, and events, to name a few.

It was an in-over-my-head, can't-sleep-at-night opportunity. And I had never been happier.

Recently, our firm worked with a large organization that was looking to replace a vice president who had left after serving well for many years. This role was critical to the future of the organization and really needed to be filled with the right person (we should take every position that seriously). So the president and the board acquired the services of a headhunter company and put together a description of the perfect candidate. Many phone calls, e.mails, and meetings later, they had narrowed their search down to two stellar candidates.

During this time, "Bob," one of the underlings of the exiting vice president, raised his hand and said, "What about me?" He requested that he be considered to take his boss's position. Now things were a bit awkward because no one had even thought about putting this guy's name on the list. He was a great person and a good worker, but he did not even begin to approach the level of his boss.

His request for consideration was politely declined.

He waited a few weeks, and then he asked again. What do you say after you have used the word awkward awkward? The thesaurus says "tricky; uncomfortable; embarra.s.sed." Yes, okay, those work.

Again, he was politely told no.

And then something amazing happened. Quietly, while the headhunters, the board, and the president were busy with interviews, Bob just started earning the opportunity. He began to lead like crazy. He realized that although his boss had been terrific, living in his shadow had really stunted his own growth. He had held back and kept from growing and doing the things he knew knew he was capable of doing. he was capable of doing.

Looking back later, Bob says that he wasn't really looking to prove anything. But he knew deep down that he had not been taking risks or leading as well as he thought he could. He knew there was an opportunity right in front of him that he wanted very much. An in-over-his-head, can't-sleep-at-night opportunity.

And when the president and the board enthusiasticallyoffered him the position, Bob said yes.

Bob's never been happier. He's kicking b.u.t.t, too.

Challenge. Perhaps more than for most people, challenge is the fuel that leaders run on. A steep learning curve, a major problem, a relational issue that needs a solution-all are necessary fodder for a leader to grow. An appropriate level of challenge spurs the growth of a leader's gift without stretching him or her too far toward the breaking point. Perhaps more than for most people, challenge is the fuel that leaders run on. A steep learning curve, a major problem, a relational issue that needs a solution-all are necessary fodder for a leader to grow. An appropriate level of challenge spurs the growth of a leader's gift without stretching him or her too far toward the breaking point.

When I took over the leaders.h.i.+p of Axis, the staff was not not glad to see me. Growth had stalled and some of our key volunteer leaders were either leaving or majorly disgruntled. They had weathered more than a year of problems, as well as transitional and temporary leaders.h.i.+p. glad to see me. Growth had stalled and some of our key volunteer leaders were either leaving or majorly disgruntled. They had weathered more than a year of problems, as well as transitional and temporary leaders.h.i.+p.

Challenge is the fuel that leaders run on.

I had to learn about a generation to which I did notbelong. I had to learn to lead people much younger than I was-staff, interns, and volunteers. I had to learn to lead upand sideways in a large organization, since my role in Axis put me on a leaders.h.i.+p team that was responsible for all of the adult ministries. I had to learn to lead a team of creative, artistic folks and and operational, tactical people (that right there may have been one of my biggest and most ongoing challenges). I had to increase my ability to do leaders.h.i.+p development across the ministry as well as prompt growth in our attendance, both at the weekend services and in our home groups. operational, tactical people (that right there may have been one of my biggest and most ongoing challenges). I had to increase my ability to do leaders.h.i.+p development across the ministry as well as prompt growth in our attendance, both at the weekend services and in our home groups.

And, at least for the first year, I had to preach almost every week.

I loved the learning and openness and curiosity that my job required. That and the amazing and beloved people I got to do it with. We embraced the challenge together and became students of everything and anything we could get our hands on that would help us do what we were called to do.

We talked to people who knew a lot more about all of this than we did. We invited them out for coffee, and we asked lots of questions. Then we listened. We engaged each other as a staff, talking about what we were learning and how that might make a difference to the organization we were leading.

We embraced new ideas and we considered old ideas. We read books. We visited other ministries doing similar work, and we watched and asked and listened. We prayed and planned, we planned and prayed.

We were open to hearing from others when we made mistakes. We tried to be humble students and confident leaders. We felt energized by the challenge, not discouraged or defeated. This challenge produced an optimism that was infectious.

We kept doing what was working, and we reinventedourselves when we needed to. We created, maintained,and grew. Together, we determined that obstacles would be times for reflection, dissection, and learning.

We prayed and planned, we planned and prayed.

The organizational and personal challenges we faced were inexorably linked, wed together in that intersection of task and relations.h.i.+p that is so much at the heart of what it means to lead and to be a team.

When you see someone for whom challenge is energizing, you just might have a leader on your hands.

Not long ago, our firm worked with a church leader who was sensing the wrong amount of tension in his own life. He described his situation as being "overworked and underchallenged." We needed to do some s.h.i.+fting of his role that moved him away from busywork outside of his area of giftedness and more toward the kind of leaders.h.i.+p work that would leave him excited, exhilarated, and a little overwhelmed. A nice combination for a leader.

Relations.h.i.+p. Leaders.h.i.+p is a relationally intensive endeavor. The most effective leaders know that within the context of relations.h.i.+p, the critical issues of authenticity, character, and trust find their voice. Leaders.h.i.+p is a relationally intensive endeavor. The most effective leaders know that within the context of relations.h.i.+p, the critical issues of authenticity, character, and trust find their voice.

Many leaders make the mistake of ignoring the relations.h.i.+p, focusing instead on systems and data. No argument, those linear issues of leaders.h.i.+p are very important. But they are not the most important. It is easy to lean into those things because they tend to be cut-and-dried and measurable, and they rarely argue back. They are not nearly as time consuming or messy as the relational component of leaders.h.i.+p. Perhaps that's also why they are not as important. Even systems and data ultimately have to be put in the context of people.

And a relations.h.i.+p should not be seen as simply a "leaders.h.i.+p strategy." Great leaders focus on the relational part of leaders.h.i.+p because they want to. They may not want to all the time, but mostly, they want to. Great leaders like and enjoy people.

The best leaders I worked for knew me. They weren't my best friends. I didn't want or expect that, but I did want them to know me. Some of our interactions began with business issues, but others began with a question regardingsomething going on in my life. Never inappropriate, but always interested.

Great leaders like and enjoy people.

Quite a few years ago, I was onan international trip with some colleagues, including my boss. Somewhere in Switzerland the conversation turned to one guy's middle name. These are the kind of inane conversations you can get involved in when jet lag and work collide. Anyway, in response to the conversation, I expressed my surprise that our boss didn't know this guy's middle name.

To which he replied, "Why would I?"

"Oh, I don't know," I said. "I would just guess after fifteen plus years of working together, the topic might have come up."

Shrug. A look of confusion, change of topic, and then we moved on.

Until dinner that night. The guy we'd been talking about leaned over and said to me, "I've always liked my job, but him not knowing my middle name? He doesn't know anything about me."

Now, I trust you know that I am not saying you need to learn everyone's middle name. But I do think this example is a good picture of a leaders.h.i.+p dynamic that hurt rather than helped. A genuine concern for and knowledge of those you work with is fundamental to great leaders.h.i.+p.

In the work I currently do, my partners and I often have the opportunity to sit down with leaders of businesses, superintendents of school districts, directors of nonprofit organizations, and pastors of churches. Almost always, our conversations include a discussion of the people on their leaders.h.i.+p team. Time and time again, we've found that those who exhibit the strongest leaders.h.i.+p give a great "color commentary" when asked about their team. In addition to describing what the people on their teams do, these leaders also share stories about their families, friends, and personal lives. They know the people on their teams, their histories, their current interests, and their kids' ages.

Strong relations.h.i.+ps create the context in which good opportunities and appropriate challenges can be distributed. Trust is cultivated within relations.h.i.+ps, and we all know what great things can happen on a team and in an organization when trust is present.

Good relations.h.i.+ps add that extra punch that keeps the best and brightest wanting to work in your organization. Relations.h.i.+ps reflexively create collaboration rather than hierarchy, trust rather than suspicion, and joy rather than drudgery. If you can provide a place for people to work where they can do what they do best and do it with people they like, you've created a dynamic combination.

Rubber Bands III.

STRETCHING PEOPLE INCLUDES involving them in the process. Helping someone find his or her best fit is an interactive endeavor that incorporates your observations of who they are along with their own take on those observations. When I first arrived at Willow Creek, one of the senior leaders spent more than an hour with me in his office. He asked me question after question, all around the issue of what I enjoyed doing and what I was good at. involving them in the process. Helping someone find his or her best fit is an interactive endeavor that incorporates your observations of who they are along with their own take on those observations. When I first arrived at Willow Creek, one of the senior leaders spent more than an hour with me in his office. He asked me question after question, all around the issue of what I enjoyed doing and what I was good at.

Conversations like this are incredibly powerful. Think about the last few years of your life. How many times has someone engaged you in a conversation that was directed solely toward understanding who you are and what you do well? You don't need many of them, but when they happen they can be very clarifying and directive. As a leader, you need to be initiating them on a regular basis with the people in your organization.

In Axis, I needed to do this with staff, interns, volunteers, and regular attendees. So I developed a very simple flow to help me: Ask-Observe-Place-Adjust.

Ask. This part was easy. I started with simple ques-tions: Tell me what kinds of things you really love doing. What brings you energy? What topics would keep you engaged in a conversation to the point that you might lose track of the time? What experiences have you had, on a job or outside of that realm, where you have done something and done it well? What kinds of things drain your energy? What parts of your current job do you avoid or procrastinate, either because you aren't good at them or because you simply don't enjoy doing them? This part was easy. I started with simple ques-tions: Tell me what kinds of things you really love doing. What brings you energy? What topics would keep you engaged in a conversation to the point that you might lose track of the time? What experiences have you had, on a job or outside of that realm, where you have done something and done it well? What kinds of things drain your energy? What parts of your current job do you avoid or procrastinate, either because you aren't good at them or because you simply don't enjoy doing them?

When a leader initiates this kind of a conversation,people feel honored and paid attention to. It keeps a leader's focus on the people, and not just on the programs and the systems.