Christmas Every Day Part 53

Sara crumbled into the chair like a marionette whose strings had been cut. Forcing herself to move, to do something , she switched on the computer. There was still some last-minute work to finish up. Pride wouldn't let her leave before that was done. She never left things unfinished.

Except her own life.

The words she had spoken to Nik had tasted raw, foul in her mouth when she'd uttered them. But they had to be said.

She had to get away, now, before she couldn't at all. Before it was too late.

The screen before her opened, waiting for a command.

Tears made her lashes heavy, blinding her. Sara blinked them back, then rubbed her streaked face with the heel of i her hand. Focusing on only her work, going on automatic pilot, she hit a combination of keys.

The message on the screen asked her to please wait.

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't."

It wasn't easy this time, picking up and going. Not like all the other times. She'd never been this entangled before.

She'd never been in love before.

Sara leaned her elbows on the desk and covered her mouth with her fingers, holding back a sob that threatened to escape.

Maybe just this once, she could No

Her fear that their relations.h.i.+p would progress to its natural conclusion outweighed everything else. Above all else, she didn't want to experience the pain she had seen in her mother' se yes

It had been bad enough to endure her parents' divorce as a child. To watch her own marriage disintegrate, as she knew ! it inevitably would, would totally destroy her. She couldn't risk it. Sure, she could hope that it wouldn't end up the way so many other marriages had, but all the hope in the world wouldn't insulate her heart, wouldn't keep it from breaking , if Nik left her.

Her hands felt icy. It was as if all the blood, all the life had drained out of her. She rubbed her hands on her jeans, trying to get the circulation moving.

But what would get circulation moving again in her heart?

This was for the best. It was, she insisteu adamantly. She had made up her mind a long time ago that it was better to do without love than know what it was to love someone, to be loved by someone and then be deprived of it. Sara knew that she couldn't have coped with Nik walking away from her. If he looked at her someday and said he didn't love her anymore.

It was better this way.

So if she was doing the right thing, why did it feel so wrong?

The message on the screen read Error, Try Again.

"A lot you know," she whispered, her throat raw with tears she was holding back.

Nik had avoided her all day.

Sara had seen him only once today, and he had looked the other way. A part of her, a small, childlike part, had hoped, had wanted him to grab her by the: shoulders and shake her until she changed her decision.

It was all just a fantasy, just like their nights together had been. If he had tried to talk her out of it, she knew nothing would have changed. She would still leave at the end of the day. She had to.

But, oh, G.o.d, she wanted to feel that he did love her.

Better this way, better, the computer seemed to hum as Sara typed in the final line

She stared at it. That was it, she thought. Finished. Everything was up-to-date and running. She was finished. She'd left clear notes for Jennifer to follow when she took over. There was no reason for her to linger at Sinclair's any longer.

No reason at all. Leaning over, Sara switched off the computer.

Get up, Sara, it's time to go.

Sara remained seated in front of the computer.

She cursed Nik's soul for doing this to her. Every other time when she'd left a job, it was to go to something else.

She'd always felt as if another adventure would be waiting for her on the horizon. A new start. Antic.i.p.ation would pump through her veins.

She would look forward to whatever lay ahead, always forward. Never back.

Now she felt as if she was fleeing, running from rather than running to.

There was nothing to run to anymore. Her life was behind her. Nik had brought her face-to-face with the pattern her life had taken on and she didn't like it.

Sara took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. The , man has got yocc turned inside out. You 'll be a basket case inside of a month.

Time to hit the road, Sara, girl.

" You okay, Nikolas? "

Antonio placed his hand on Nik's arm. Concern etched its way into the fine lines about the man's mouth and eyes. He had watched Nik bang pots and snap at people and then apologize all through lunch and dinner. There was just so much pain a man should be required to take.

No, no, he wasn't okay, Nik thought belligerently. He'd lost his temper this morning and then told himself that maybe this was for the best, after all. Let her go. Who the h.e.l.l wanted to love a crazy woman, anyway? Eight hours later the answer was still the same. He did.

Nik turned angry eyes on Antonio, hardly seeing the man. "

" Yeah, why? "

Antonio thanked his patron saint that he wasn't the recipient of the harnessed fury he saw in Nik's eyes. He had never seen Nik like this.

"Ginger said that she was leaving today. Sara," Antonio added needlessly. He nodded toward the hall and the office beyond.

Determination made the planes of Nik's face stand out. He knew what he had to do. "She thinks she is."

Nik glanced at his watch, even though he was standing directly in front of the clock. She was still in the office, despite the fact that her workday had ended hours ago. She didn't want to go any more than he wanted her to.

Antonio looked from the doorway to Nik's face. There was a fight brewing. "You want me to lock up?"

Nik stripped his ap.r.o.n off like a retired gunfighter about to put on his holster. His eyes never left the doorway. "Yeah."

Antonio caught the ap.r.o.n Nik tossed aside as he strode out of the kitchen. "The best ones are not gotten easily, Nik."

"Then she must be a h.e.l.l of a prize." But then, he already knew that.

Nik glanced at Antonio over his shoulder. The other man smiled and held up his thumb in the universal signal of confidence.